I’m supposed to be cleaning my house. We have a family of ten coming over tonight for dinner. I’m drawn to things that don’t need to be done… and turn my head from those things calling me names. Names like “Miss. Piggy” and “messy” and “bad housekeeper” and “disgraceful.” That last one is ultra-applicable as my mother’s name is Grace and she’s a clean freak. Sorry, Mom.
Why, oh why, did we choose horizontal dust-magnet blinds for every single blinkin’ window in this house? It seems like they are always covered with a layer of fuzz… even the day after I clean them. I need to market my phenomenal wonder of an idea…. flocked blinds. They will be delivered to your door with a layer of decorative fuzziness already on them… and they’ll always look clean. Can’t you just hear the sales pitch??? “And these flocked blinds NEVER need cleaning!” It will be a QVC smashing hit. I’m sure of it.
And baseboards. It was a man who invented baseboards because he couldn’t cut straight lines in the sheet-rock to have it line up with the flooring…. creating yet another cleaning opportunity for the woman in his life. Once upon a time, my baseboards were really and truly white. Now they’re the color of almost chocolate milk… like when the Quick ran out too soon.
The plethora of engaging items drawing my attention away from cleaning are unbelievable. The weeds grew overnight. They need to be pulled NOW. I know our guests will already have assumptions about my housekeeping, but my yard could be my excuse if it is weeded. But it’s 107 degrees and it’s not even noon. Weeding will have to wait until wintertime.
The boys have built a blanket fort using 4 mattresses, Zaza’s purple canopy bed and all the sheets from the linen closet. I asked them to put it all away before our guests arrive. They looked at me like I had a third eye in the middle of my forehead. “We built the fort to play in with THEM!” Oh. Well, I won’t have to vacuum that room. Maybe I could throw the load of dirty sheets in there too… and eliminate one load of laundry.
Did I forget to mention that camp is in two days (Yes, I’m going to be “dorm staff” for screaming little girls for a week) and I just threw in load #1 of 8. In my next house, I’m having a laundry room on the same floor as the bedrooms, behind a secret door with a big screen tv in there, plush carpet with triple padding so it will feel like I want to go in there. I can play the movie Miss Potter all the time, and dance with one of my husband’s dirty shirts to “Shall I teach you how to dance.”
Maybe I simply need to get some matching pink cleaning supplies. Then I’ll want to clean the house.
One can dream.