Along with half the nation, I was holding my breath at 12:30 today awaiting the “revealing” of a dead BIGFOOT that was found in Georgia a few weeks back. But alas, the press conference only resulted in national news coverage of the biggest and most famous Bigfoot hunter showing nothing (except promotion for his website) and postponing the real evidence. Come on! If you got the goods, let’s have ‘em.
As a homeschool mom, I need to be up on the news especially about new species or endangered animals or missing links or delusional grown-ups running through the forest in gorilla suits. So I did some research this week, as all good homeschool moms do. I had only heard of BF in the Northwest, so I wondered how he made it across the Midwest to Georgia without being seen…. there’s no trees there in the middle of the nation to hide behind??? Makes you wonder, doesn’t it? Did he only travel at night? We’ll never know. But pictures don’t lie… do they?
Here is the actual untouched photograph of the remains of BF. Impressive! Yes, it’s a deep freeze. Yes, that’s a garden hose. All highly scientific apparatus to handle the most rare of rare evidence in the science field. And are those my grandma’s false teeth in that monkey suit? I can’t quite make out the black item on the top right of the photo, but I believe it’s a Samsonite suitcase that was used with a gorilla suit in a commercial a few years back??? And the fake entrails. My goodness. That’s a squid from China Town. I’ve been around the block a few times. I know squid when I see squid. That’s a squid.
And the casts of the gigantic footprints. Holy Toledo! Shaq is down here in Phoenix now, so we could make some of those casts here too. Big feet are just that… BIG.
Why didn’t I think of putting an ape suit in the deep freeze so I could be on national news??? Some guys have all the luck, especially the off-duty officer who found the body. First he gets shot in the hand chasing a fugitive of the law…. then he is on medical leave with WAAAAAAAAAY too much time on his hands. So he calls his buddy who works as a correctional officer with people who display gorilla type behavior and says, “Hey, whattaya doin’ this weekend? Wanna get a monkey suit and be on the news with me?” It was pure genius.
My kids asked if BF is real. Of course it is…. look at these pictures. That’s a real BIG foot isn’t it? It reminds me of when we watched Water Horse: Legend of the Deep and I kept telling the kids repeatedly that the movie was based on a true legend. :o) Stay tuned. The “scientific” autopsy is on Monday… just as soon as they suck on the hose to get all the water syphoned out of the freezer and find the rubber gloves, safety goggles and tweezers.