The Coming Conundrum

This photo showed up today on facebook… and I shared it on my wall, like 29,368 other people did. Being an adoptive mama, I have mixed feelings about this on several levels.

For this beautiful 22-year-old woman I pray that she gets a glimpse of her birth-parents for no other reason than looking in the face of someone she is related to by blood.  That connection cannot be replaced, other than by having her own children. It would also be a treasure for her to learn of family history, possible siblings and birth grandparents, aunts and uncles.  In a peaches-and-cream-everything-always-turns-up-roses life this could be the start of a beautiful family expanding experience.  But I don’t know one single family where life has turned up roses and there aren’t real life sad situations to deal with.

However, there are the birthparents and their current lives to consider.  What if they never told ANYONE about the daughter they had when they were in the middle of high school?  What if the birth-father doesn’t even know!? There are many reasons for choosing an adoptive plan for a child and many more reasons for requesting it be a closed adoption.  I understand closure is desired by some who are adopted, but through this possible re-connecting are two separate lives who have moved on from the 22-year-old monumental decision they made to give life, love her to pieces, and make a better plan for her life than they could provide.  If found, they have the choice to embrace their long-lost daughter, or protect those around them and hurt their “secret” daughter again.

Because of our Colombian princess’s situation in her homeland, we do have quite a bit of information about her birth-parents.  Most likely, we could find them with a bit of sleuthing, thanks to the healthcare system in Colombia.  However, Colombian law holds all adoption records as confidential for 30 years.  THIRTY YEARS!  Good grief!  So it is unlikely that our girl will have anyone looking for her. It will be up to us.  Colombian law states that “every adopted person has the right to know about his/her origin and the character of its family links.  The parents (of an adopted minor) will decide on the moment and conditions in which it will not cause the minor harm to know such information.”  THAT is the conundrum.  No matter the circumstances of an adoption plan being made, there is the possibility of a real sense of abandonment for the child, and when has abandonment ever not caused harm?

I still believe in, support and love adoption with my whole being.  Yet someday we will face the heartfelt question, “Can we try to find my birth-parents?”  One day at a time.  One day at a time.

I am Strong and Healthy (repeat)

I am strong and healthy.  I am strong and healthy.  This is what I quote to myself out loud when the first signs of sickness raise their feeble heads in my body.  Be gone plugged sinuses.  Get thee behind me, nasal drip.  My offspring stand clear when they hear their mother muttering, “I’m strong and healthy!”

The S&H phrase has been my mantra all day.  Many a cure have been applied, sniffed, soaked up and swallowed to no avail. So as the red numbers read 12:34 a.m…. the green tea in the kitchen cupboard called to me.  You know I’m not healthy when I drink tea.  Tea reminds me of wet cardboard.  Hot wet cardboard. Yes, I have tried chai and it simply tastes like sweet hot wet cardboard.  But I digress.

So I have been reading adoption blogs while waiting for my cardboard-flavored tea to get down to “children’s temperature”, as a kind Starbucks employee once described MY temperature of choice. Whatev!  Lately I have been messed up by a book called 7.  Yes, it’s a single digit number title.  Kind of like 1984, but with only one digit. At a later date when I am truly strong and healthy, I will expound on this tome and impress you with my knowledge of things I have only read about.

Anyway, the author, Jen Hatmaker, adopted two older kids.  I can relate.  She had three bio kids at home… a girl and two man-children.  Same same.  And aside from her story and her tales of woe leading up to the referrals, etc., I have been experiencing AMG… adoptive mama guilt.  Tonight I came to the trusty home computer (in the family room for ALL eyes to see what anyone may be viewing online….. side note: once I sat on the couch that is 10 feet behind the screen… and behind the viewer’s back, I used binoculars to READ THEIR MAIL!  Yes I did.) and after reading a few adoption blogs I realized I NEED to confess and repent of some AMG.

But as I leaned forward to see the keyboard in the dark of the night, my nose dripped in my green already-gross-tasting tea…. and I decided to lament the whole scene and blog about AMG tomorrow…. when the sun is shining and I am strong and healthy.

Goodnight.

GOTCHA Day!

November 25th was Nora’s Gotcha Day.  We have had our little Colombian princess for one year now!  Hard to believe!  We celebrated in style…. purple style…. and ate Domino’s pizza… because that is where we ate in Cali the night we received Nora. 

We spent time going through her Colombian box that contains all the items and clothing she brought with her from her homeland.  We gave her a beautiful handmade dress from Cali, as well as a few American gifts… that were purple!

For two years I have been working on my third book…. Nora’s Story… her lifebook.  I was impatiently waiting for all the info during the first year… and then trying to find time to put it in the book this last year.  It tells the story of her life from the day she was born.  I’m once again so thankful that we took a day to go up to LaCumbre, the sleepy little town where she was born.  We were able to get a copy of the hospital report from that precious day… and it had priceless details on it that we would have never been able to give to her! Also included in her lifebook are copies of her birth certificates, her citizenship certificate and pictures of her foster family. 

After reading the lifebook, we watched the videos that were taken in Colombia.  It made us miss our sweet friends that we met in Colombia.  We all cried again as we watched ourselves crying tears of joy when we got her.  Awesomeness, for sure!  It was interesting for her to watch, because she only spoke Spanish then.  She was quite shocked at her behavior, which is a good sign!!!  She said, “I wasn’t a very good example then!” and “I talked a LOT!” and “I wasn’t very nice, was I?”  What do you say to that?!?  No, Honey, you weren’t, but we loved you anyway! 

We ended the evening by lighting sparklers and running around the backyard screaming like little girls.  Great fun!  Nora made us a darling card that said, “Thank you for adopting me!” and lots of other terms of endearment.  She is such a thoughtful little girl!  I told my husband later that night that I didn’t expect to hear her say thank you for adopting her until she was 35.  :o)  It’s been a year of blessing!  Thank God for our little girl!

The Birthday Girl

It was another round of firsts for our little Colombian princess… first birthday party… first birthday cake… first birthday gifts… first birthday decorations… ALL for her!  It was surprising to me that her birth was not celebrated in the foster home because Colombians celebrate EVERYTHING!  She said they did sing Happy Birthday, but that was it… for everyone in the house.  Strange.

Nora has been counting down the days to her 8th birthday for over a month… without understanding the numbers above 14.. well, at least not in English.  She did have an idea of what to expect because we’ve celebrated six big events since she’s been home, but none of them were for kids.  I wonder if she thought we only had parties for ages 16 and up?? When I questioned her for birthday requests, her only one was, “Can I have a cake with my name on it?”  SURE YOU CAN!  We went right down to the local bakery and ordered a Tinkerbell cake with N O R A written across the top!  The last time any of my kids got a store-bought cake with their name on it was when they turned one and we got free first birthday cakes from Safeway! 

We had a family party on her actual birthday with cupcakes.  She was darling.  She smiled so big, I thought she might pop as we sang happy birthday!  Of course we make it really exciting by yelling WOOOO in between each line.  This coming Sunday is her party (with her cake that says NORA) for her friends… we’ve been waiting for some of them to get back from vacation.  I’ll post more pictures then.

We are so blessed to have Nora in our family!  So blessed to share God’s love with her!  So blessed to have her lighting up our home and lives!

We all need Girlfriends!

We have almost been home with Nora for five month now.  Time has FLOWN by!  Most of that time she has spent playing with us or her cousin, Luke, who lives across the street.  She has gone once to another friend’s house for the day.  But today she had girlfriends over to play for the first time.  Two sisters, one is 1.5 years older than Nora and one is 1.5 years younger.  When we picked them up, they were all timid and shy with one another as they were almost strangers.  They have met on two or three occasions, but never played together… hard!  As soon as we arrived home, they all went out to the trampoline and the laughter and squealing began.  It continued for hours.  Sweet music to my ears!

I packed snacks and juice in Nora’s little picnic basket and they had tea on the little yellow picnic table in the backyard as the wind blew their hair all wild.  And they talked non-stop.  Like girlfriends do.  At one point, the dog was bugging them, so Nora came and put her in the house.  She poked her head inside the back door, and upon seeing me looking at her, Nora said excitedly, “This is SO fun!”   “I know!” I responded, because I DO know!  Why didn’t I get her with girlfriends sooner????

(Disclaimer: Nora dressed herself:)

Half way through the play time, I packed the three little girls into the back seat of the van so I could pick up Larisa from work. (Yes, she works now… but that’s another blog.) On the drive home, Larisa and I just sat and smiled as we listened to Nora tell the entire story of the day she got a family.  It was so sweet.  She didn’t miss a thing!  “Mommy way crying.  Daddy was crying.  Larisa was really hard crying.  Keeve was crying.  They crying because they so happy.  Austin no did crying. And I run to Mommy and kiss her and give her stuffs I make. She hug me. Daddy hug me.  I was so happy, but I did no crying.”  Melts my heart!  It’s the first time I heard her tell the story!  She was so proud!

Again I say, we ALL need girlfriends!  They simply bring out the best in us!

I Officially have FOUR Kids!

Today was the final Sentencia in the courts for us to sign on the dotted line and make Nora ours officially.  It’s not all as fancy as that sounds…. the court that you sign in is a room full of desks…. looks like a crowded newspaper office without cubical walls.  Rick actually went without me to sign.  I’m not feeling that great and our guide didn’t think it was a good idea to take the kids downtown at this busy time of the year.  I was good with that.  I stayed home and have been taking any and all cold medications we brought with us! 

When Rick got home he handed me a stack of official papers in Spanish and I read through them the best I could in my Spanglish.  It made me cry all over again.  Why any child would have to go through this is so SAD!  I keep looking at our new daughter… she’s so stinkin’ cute!  And talented… and I’m not just saying it because I’m the momma!  Even her toes are darling.  And she has dimples and wavy hair… not that any of these things matter to me… but they are the icing on the cake.  Every child deserves a home with love and acceptance and I’m so glad she’s in ours!

I had the typical new-mommy fear: What if I don’t think she’s cute?  Rick reassured me that Colombian girls are all cute!  He also reminded me that I didn’t think one of my bio kids was cute either….. but that child has grown on me and now I do!  (No names mentioned!  Ever!)

Nora is spunky… today was the first morning that she woke up before me… at 6:30!  She came jumping in on our bed and kissed me and said her only line in English, “Good morning, Mama!”  She wakes up happy.  She goes to bed without too much of a hassle!  But even if she didn’t, we would still love her to pieces.  In our adoption training, we heard worse case scenarios that had us holding our breath waiting for weeping and gnashing of teeth.  Our transition has been so much better than we could have hoped for.  I do realize this is the honeymoon phase and her true colors will shine at home in a month or so, but I expected so much more trauma!  I’m thankful!

Last night I used google translate to ask Nora a bunch of questions.  I told her that we have been waiting four years for her!  And that we prayed for her that whole time.  I asked her if she prayed to.  She answered in Spanish, “Yes, to Jesus for a family!”  I told her Jesus answered her prayers and ours!  It will be so interesting to get more of her story from her own lips once we are on the same language page. 

I realize her entire life has been changed forever… but so has mine.  I’m a mother of four.  Two girls.  Two boys.  And I get to do ponytails again… and ruffle sockies.  Being a mom is the BEST!

Estados Unidos Excitement!

Tonight I went into Nora’s room to dry her hair (from swimming!) and put her to bed.  This was obviously the first time she’s had her hair dried with a blow dryer.  First she was scared of the noise, then she giggled and danced and spoke rapidly in Spanish the entire time I dried her hair.  It was hilarious. 

As I tucked her in, I explained in my supremely lame Spanish that tomorrow we are going to the zoo.  She obviously didn’t understand the word ZOO because her eyes got BIG and she asked excitedly if we were going to the Estados Unidos tomorrow!  (The United States)  No, I unfortunately explained.  It is seven more days until we go to Bogota and then seven MORE days until we go to the USA.  That’s a long time when you’re 7 years old!

Rick asked me tonight if I have heard what Nora thinks about the United States.  The only thing I’ve heard so far is that she thinks it is in another galaxy.  Wow!  We plan to ask Nora a bunch of questions and videotape her answers so we have it as a keepsake.  We were going to do it today, but after last night’s rockin’ party, our naps interfered with our illustrious plans.  Mañana!

Sorry for the Delay….. I’ve been BUSY!

We ended up flying to Cali, Colombia on Wednesday, Nov. 24th because there were no more seats on Thanksgiving Day!  But then we received our darling Nora ON Thanksgiving Day… four-years to the DAY that we started this adoption process.  We were on the waitlist with ICBF for 34 months all together… waiting.  But oh so worth the wait!

Because we accepted the referral so late in Nov. (the 19th) we had to make a mad scramble to get to Cali right away so that we could finalize the adoption before the courts close on Dec. 16th.  WOW!  On the Monday after we accepted our referral, I left at 3:00 am with my Dad for the Colombian consulate in Beverly Hills, California.  ….. a seven hour drive one way….   My time spent at the consulate was highly stressful…and that’s putting it mildly.  To make a long story short, I cried in front of 45 Colombians, but we did get our Visas in 3 hours!

Our three flights from Phoenix, connecting in Houston and Panama, to Cali were almost uneventful.  We had a luggage mishap, but after much prayer and supplication and even fasting (well, only because I slept through the sandwich on the last flight) our bags all arrived safely.  We were met at the airport by Magnolia, the most magnificent guide EVER, and taken to a nice hotel/apartment in Cali.  She picked it out and it was perfect for us for the first few days.  We received Nora at the ICBF building the next morning at 10:30 and she is a charmer from the get go!  We all cried, but she was all smiles.  She ran past two of my kids straight for me and kissed me and called me mama.  Oh, melt my heart in a nano second!

We watched the video of the whole thing last night and we all cried again.  Then we rewound it a few times and laughed hysterically at the sobbing and snorting noises we made involuntarily.  Such a sweet moment!

No, Nora doesn’t speak any English at all.  But she thinks we understand her when she talks a mile-a-minute, probably because Larisa and I have a minimal amount of Espanola under our belts.  I have enough to order breakfast and request plates and paper towels.  Larisa is pretty efficient at translating some of what Nora says.  Larisa asked Nora if she wants to learn to speak English and she said, “Probably not.”  Oh, little muchacha, you’ll be fluent in three-four months!

Nora fits into this family in so many ways, it’s truly amazing!  She loves to sleep in, and loves do crafts, and loves to change her clothes several times a day, and loves to try new foods, and loves to wear lots of jewelry!  She fell in love with several pieces of clothing that we brought, including some bling-bling sandals that have been sitting under my computer screen for four years (and they fit her perfectly!) and a smart little double-breasted jacket that is too warm to wear right now, but too cool not to wear!  (In the first picture.)

We moved today out to a single story house in the country that is roomy, clean and beautiful.  It is in a gated community with a swimming pool, play ground and ball court.  There is a grocery store and some convenience stores.  Ice cream is very convenient!  We will be here for two weeks and we already love it!

Monday morning we have our bonding meeting (to see how our time with Nora went!) at 8:00 am and then our papers go to court.  I’ll do better keeping up on the blog now that we’re here at this relaxing place.  Ciao!

Ironic… I think not

This has been a week of ups and downs, trials and tears, blessings and a birthday.  When my life gets busy I don’t spend much time reading the 1850′s prairie fiction stories that I love.  I should, they help me escape and relax.  As the tension in my shoulders/neck was building before our adoption referral, I made a decidedly wise decision to make time for pleasure reading.  After perusing the NEW section at the library, I came home victorious with two brand new books from authors I haven’t read before.  It does my heart good to find new authors who write well and can keep my pages turning with interest.  

One such book was The Promise of Morning by Ann Shorey.  The cover sucked me in.  Pretty blonde girl with tendrils floating in the prairie breeze… olive calico dress… front porch laden home behind a field of cadmium blooms.  The plot had many twists that I didn’t see coming, which I prefer.  Nothing worse than predicting the entire story right from the get go.  Last night I was within reach of the final chapter…. anticipating what happened to Aunt Ruby… wondering about the mysterious Mrs. Bolden… and hoping Ellie would find her self with-child.

Then BAM!  The story took another unexpected turn that hit a little too close to home for me this week.  The circuit riding preacher finds a little brown-eyed, black-haired, 7-year-old orphan on a dock in Ohio.  Yes, I thought of Nora…. our daughter of 72 hours.  He brought her home to his family and she stayed close by his side, for fear of abandonment.  {sigh}  She brought with her a bundle of clothes with a lavender sachet and a well-traveled doll…. get this… named Nora.  Yes, I couldn’t believe it either!  The same name as the brown-eyed, black-haired, 7-year-old referral we received a week ago.  Through a sequence of events the reader also learns at this point in the story that Ellie, the main character, is a nickname for Eleanor.  We had passed around the idea of naming Nora Eleanora after my mother’s middle name, Eleanor. 

Ironic, I think not.  Yes, Lord, I will continue to pray for Nora and her forever family!

Today was the DAY!

Yes, we got our referral call today!  Her name is darling and she is beyond beautiful!  And that’s not a biased opinion either.  :o)

So here was my ideal “get-the-referral-call” scenario that I hoped would  happen on THE day:  Gladney would call and tell us that we have a daughter.  We would gather the family around the computer sitting at the kitchen table looking freshly combed and well dressed and pressed. (Facing the sliding glass door, so the lighting would be good.)  The email would come and we would open it… slowly scrolling until we could see our girl.  We would oooh and ahhhh as we saw our darling new girl.. and we would video tape the whole deal so Nora would know the joy on our faces the minute we saw her.

Here’s how it really went down:  We all slept in and were eating a casual breakfast in our pajamas with major bed-head (except Rick, who was leaving shortly for work).  I finished eating first, around 9:00 am and went to the computer to open my email.  Immediately I saw an email from Gladney that said, “CALL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  So I jumped up and found my cell phone.  Yes, it was our referral call.  Our case worker said she had been waiting for two hours for us to call.  (We are two hours behind them.)  Someone ran upstairs to wake up Austin.  Then we gathered around the computer at the computer desk, so no one could see our faces, or hair, or pajamas… and we opened the email with her picture  and oooohed and ahhhhhed… without any video footage. 

All I have to say is that her situation is exactly what I have prayed for diligently for four years.  God answered this mother’s prayers!  She just turned seven and looks remarkably like my husband.  I can’t wait to post pictures, but that will be quite a few days from now when our acceptance letter arrives in Colombia.

Whooooooooo Hooooooooooo!