Filterless People

Some people are born with a filter and some are not.  This filter I’m referring to is the one that stops you from saying things in public before you realize that you shouldn’t say them.  Please hang with me, people, while I share a few nightmarish stories that are unfortunately factual.

Four years ago, right after I had reached the  B I G   FOUR-O Plateau of Life, I found myself sitting at a scrapbooking event with a table full of women that I was not acquainted with.  Across from me sat a beautiful younger woman who was ready to deliver a child in the next twenty minutes, if my calculations were correct.  She made me feel old.  Making friendly conversation and assuming that she was 20 years my junior, I asked if it was her first child.  Her answer shocked me.  With a terribly ungrateful tone she blurted out, “It’s my fourth and my youngest is 12!”  Knowing exactly how she was feeling with three older kids of my own at home, but taken aback by her response, my filter malfunctioned and I spat back in all honesty and truth, “THAT is my nightmare!”  Oh boy.  The good news is, I’ve never seen her again, and thankfully that was one of the only times I remember a filter malfunction.

My husband does have a filter, but it has much larger holes than mine does, allowing more humiliating information to pass through.  Yes, only humiliating for me.  For some strange reason I can think of SEVERAL instances to share with you.  From three days ago, as a matter of fact, comes my first example.  We were at a wedding, seated around a table with 6 members of my family, one acquaintance and two strangers.  My dear husband blurts out, “Did you see the wedding cake?!?  It looks like the Wailing Wall!”  Now that would be all funny and amusing, but my mother went pale, made a horrible face and slightly shook her head four times.  Both my husband and I saw her response and glanced around the table to see what the big deal was.  No sign of anything that I could detect, but we later discovered that stranger #1 was the son of the cake maker.  Great.

Another recent occurence is only nine days old.  Rick and I were asked to attend a leadership conference to see if we are interested in serving on a state-wide committee.  It was slightly an interview-type meeting.  We lunched with current committee members whom we knew by name, but not by face.  They didn’t know us from Adam and Eve.  There were three other couples and the two of us sitting in a corner of a banquet room conducting pleasant conversation when it happened.  BAM!  Just like that!  I had an out-of-body experience hearing my husband tell a story that is not “new-committee-member-appropriate” about a cycling trip, unexpectedly running into old friends and then finding out later that he had holes in the back of his biking shorts.  GREAT!  We haven’t been contacted by anyone on the committee since the fateful holy-stretchy-shorts story.  Maybe this was God’s way of keeping our responsibilities to a minimum.

Another time, when we were up in front of a married couples group…. with microphone in hand, my dear husband actually told everyone to wait a minute while I wiped his bum.  For that story of awesomeness, please go here:  http://mysistersjar.wordpress.com/2009/03/24/a-little-dessert-please/  (Someday my sister-in-law, Jennie, will show me how to use links for your viewing pleasure.)

Okay, I just thought of the other time my filter leaked out a response that was less than cordial.  It is a 25 year-old story.  My husband-to-be and I were in a shoe section of a major department store looking for steel-toed boots for Rick.  The salesman brought out two specimens for him to try on, one with a smooth leather curve from the laces to the sole, and the other with a sewn ridge around the top of the toe.  Curiously I asked, “Which one is more durable?”  The salesman, somewhat cockily answered, ‘Obviously THIS one.”  And my filter did not stop me from firing right back, “OBVIOUSLY, that’s why I asked!”  Oops.  :o)

Seriously, I could think of twenty-seven more cool stories about my husband and the missing filter topic, but I’ll spare you for now. (Blog topic dedicated to Mary Ann, a filterless friend.)

My Bucket List

Tonight I pulled out a journaling book that I started in 2007… it has in it, among other gatherings of words… my Bucket List.  One hundred things I want to do in my lifetime.  It’s been at least a year since I went through the list… that only goes up to 72 at the moment.  When I accomplish a listed item I highlight it.  There were eight lines highlighted already.  Surprisingly, tonight I highlighted three items from 2009 that were accomplished. 

I read somewhere long ago that if you write down your goals your brain grasps onto them subconsciously and even if you’re not remembering them… you are drawn to accomplish them.  I’m not sure if I believed that until I was married about 14 years and came across my scrapbook from my senior year of high school.  There was a page for 1 year, 5 year and 10 year goals.  What 18-year-old has any clue what they will be doing when they are 28???  Please.  Unbelievably, all the goals that I wrote down had been successfully completed… without me remembering that I jotted them in my scrapbook in 1984. 

Back to tonight and my Bucket List.  In case you live in a cave, a movie came out a few years back called the Bucket List and the premise was about two old guys determined to live out life’s wishes before they kicked the bucket.  I never saw it.  Anywho…. I highlighted three lines on my list tonight.

#10.  Take the kids on a missions trip.  Larisa, Austin and I went to La Mision, Mexico last summer… and it was Austin’s first time seeing an impoverished city.  It changed him, as I knew it would.  My 11-year-old son still is on the list to go, but I highlighted it anyway.  I firmly believe every American kid needs to see poverty, desperate need, and the happiness that is still available in spite of living conditions.  We are so spoiled blessed.

#51. Live close to the church.  For more than 10 years we have driven 30 minutes to church.  When your kids want to get more involved… an hour round-trip is a long way.  When gas is over $3 a gallon, every little trip counts.  Little did I know that we would be changing churches in 2009 and the new one is 8 minutes away.  Glory!

#61.  Publish a book for married women.  Last September my book Learning to Laugh in the Midst of Marriage came out.  Sweet! The book was not even started when I made the list!  See…. subconsciously!

Some of my other entries include traveling to far away spots on God’s green earth that I have studied and long to see.  Others involve helping others, teaching the kids new tricks, taking an emergency truck ramp…. quit laughing… they are so tempting,  learning a few tricks myself and reaching many for God’s kingdom.  I believe 2010 will bring at least three more highlighted lines… maybe more!

Do you have a Bucket List?

Marriage… it’s the real thing.

Isn’t it cute?  This is the tentative cover art for my next book that should be coming out in August/September.  It’s #2 in the Laughing series…. Laughing in the midst of Marriage.  Lord knows I’ve been given a boatload of writing material by being married to Rickey.  This one seemed to be easier to write than the mothering one.  I’m not quite sure why???  I guess that old adage “second time’s a charm” is true. 

It’s quite exciting to hold your own book in your weary writing hands for the first time.  I’m so looking forward to it.  Truly scrumptious.

I’m speaking at a marriage conference this weekend… so please pray if you’re the praying type.  Hey, I suggest you try it, even if you aren’t the praying type.  I have plenty of entertaining stories to tell, but WHAT really is the key to a great marriage?  I’m not sure I’m supposed to answer that, but this type of conference really makes you stop and think, “What HAS held us together for 22 years?”  Undoubtedly, it’s the Lord.  We would have killed each other long ago had we not been God-fearing souls.  As we daily give up SELF and focus on serving others, it’s really a no-brainer.  That’s the problem right there… when my brain gets involved.  Why am I so selfish?  Those are the days when I’M fully in control and have forgotten to surrender to the Lord.  Jesus, help us!

www.LindaCrosby.com

A Little Dessert, Please

Rick and I were asked to share at a couple’s night at our church several years ago.  The topic chosen was “Differences” and how we’ve melded them together to stay happily married.  When we first met and shared our life’s history with each other, it seemed as though the differences were few and the similarities many.  The longer we’ve been married the opposite has shown to be true. Back and forth Rick and I planned to banter about the differences between us… smooth peanut butter vs. crunchy, Rock music vs. easy listening, Ranch Doritos vs. Plain Doritos, Elvis’ Christmas tunes vs. all the other Christmas music in the universe, …. you get the picture. 

Before we began, the pastor told everyone that they had 3 minutes to get some dessert and then the Crosbys would begin speaking.  To my surprise, Rick got up and went and picked out a delicious piece of chocolate cream pie with whipped cream a mile high.  He came back to the front of the sanctuary and I asked him, “When do you plan to eat that?  It’s time for us to start.”  “Oh, yeah,” he realized and placed the pie on a seat.  Right then, the pastor came back up to introduce us, so being courteous, Rick sat down….. ON the chocolate cream pie with whipped cream a mile high.  Of course, he was sporting black jeans, so every little drip of creamy goodness showed up real well on his black back side.  As the pastor said, “  blah blah blah…. Rick and Linda Crosby” Rick went to the mic with the pie still hanging in from his Levi’s.  He announced, “There will be just a few minute delay here while my wife wipes my bum.”  And I did… in front of everyone… being the compassionate (laundry doing) wife that I am.  The more I got off his pants right then, the less I had to get out later!

I’m not sure what the moral is of that story.  But here are a few off the top of my head (like everything else on the blog!):

Never cry over squashed pie.

It all comes out in the wash.

Pie comes before the fall.

When all else fails, pie, pie again.

Chocolate pie is always my friend.

A little chocolate pie never hurt anyone.

Anyone else quick with the one liners today?  Feel free to share.

Sweet Victory! (well, at least sweet progress!)

See?!  It worked!  I took a two day sabbatical from MSJ and cranked on my stories for my book.  (Laughing in the Midst of Marriage: Finding Joy in Being a Wife) I was so “in the groove” after Wed. night hockey writing time (wasn’t that phrased positively?!?) that I got back out of bed at midnight and wrote two more stories while the family sawed logs. 

Just so you know, I’m a highly visual learner.  I have to SEE progress…. on charts and graphs and calendars.  I’ve made all three for this book.  So I made a chart of all of the devotionals I’m writing, divided into the four wedding vows: Better or Worse, Rich or Poor, Sickness and Health, and Love and Cherish.  (I’m not doing “til death do us part….. those stories cannot be shared in this lifetime.)  Each story has  five columns to check off before I consider it “done” and they are: written (duh), moral, Bible verses, edited and moved to final document. 

I’m sure this is scintillating information for all of you, so I will continue.  I’m shooting for 56 stories and 27 have made it through to the final document so far.  I’m one shy of half way, baby.  This is good news, considering that I was only able to work on it six of the 18 time slots I scheduled.  The problem there was the SuperCon super hero dance deal.  It wiped out a week of work time for me.  (I’m still feeling the pull in my hip flexor muscles, BTW.) But I’m back in the saddle and quite focussed for a change.

See?!?  I’m a bit on the anal side, as well as visual.  I gave myself 20 two hour work slots for Feb.  The pink circles are progress.  Notice how Wednesday night hockey practice has been my saving grace this month?  I never thought I’d be happy to sit at hockey practice.  Ever.  But I am.  Just so you are aware of my progress, there are 57 two hour slots before the deadline.  If I got one story done EACH time, it’s clear sailing.  I just passed the 17th time slot and there are 27 stories completed.  As you can well imagine, I’m breathing easier than I was a week ago.  I was a tad nervous last week.

It did dawn on me last night that I never discussed how many stories the publisher is expecting.  Perhaps I should give them a jingle.  Stay tuned…. every other day or so…. for YOUR insider information on the writing progess of Laughing/Marriage right here at MSJ.

Happy Heart Day!

Well, Valentine’s Day 2009 went down pretty low-key around our house.  After last night’s super hero conference, I slept straight through until 9:58 a.m.  And I felt like I needed a nap around 5:00 p.m.  My hip flexor muscles are still crying out when I stand or walk.  (It’s NOT funny either.)  Rick was gone most of the day making Pinewood Derby cars with the boys at church and then to Austin’s hockey practice.  He did send me to get a cute hot pink pedicure while he was out.  It’s truly amazing how much prettier you feel when your toes are painted…. and you didn’t have to bend over to do it.  Thanks, Honey!

We planned on dinner and movie tonight, but by the time we were out the door at 7:45, it was too late for both.  We had a romantic dinner at Chipotle…. no, really…. I LOVE it, so it was ok with me.  (Hey, better than a monster truck rally !)  Then we went underwear shopping at TJ Maxx.  Boy, does Rick know how to do it up right.  If you’ve not yet been married 22 years…. THIS is what you have to look forward to.

Quoting Jessica Heath,  “Love is in the air….. hope you have your gas mask!”  <3