Silence is Golden. Duct Tape is Silver.

no more tangles

Good day.  It is not often that I am at the mercy of a writing pad to communicate with my family.  But, alas, I awoke this morning without a voice.  Yes, the silence is golden for my children who are currently hiding from me because they know I have to search instead of call their names.  I’m wisely conserving my sapped energy by sitting at my computer.  So they have a few moments of solitary confinement of their own doing.

Being Wednesday, the Coupon Sense people put all the store deals on the net today and OH MY!  there are so many freebies this week and great produce deals.  Conveniently, Sprouts (produce/gourmet grocer) is on my husband’s route home from work.  So I called him to ask him to pick up some steals, but I didn’t get far…. the missing voice and all.  He couldn’t even understand my whispered “Sprouts.”  So I found my 9 year old and wrote Sprouts on a little note pad and handed him the phone.  He took the receiver and read “Sprouts”….. three times at increasing decibles to his father, who I believe needs a hearing test.  Rick is a pilot, so his hearing is checked every year and he claims that it is fine.  But the Sprouts phone call proves otherwise. (again.)

Why don’t my children ever lose their voices?  Even a few hours would be appreciated. 

My hair isn’t long, to say the least, but the coloring, highlights, hair glue, mousse and hairspray leave it a bit tangled at times.  I was combing my wet locks a few days back and I mumbled to my husband (the hearing challenged husband who has yearly hearing exams) that I should get some No More Tangles.  “What?” he asked, like I was speaking Swahili again.  “No More Tangles.”  ….. look of confusion registering on his handsome, yet dumbstruck face…. “What?”  Enunciating more clearly than the judges from the Scripps Spelling Bee, I uttered LOUDLY, “NO MORE TANGLES!”  “Oh, I thought you said No More Tangos.”

I laughed.  That would be a GREAT product to market.  Anytime someone who thinks they can dance, breaks out in a Tango, you could just spray them and relieve yourself of the misery.  Then I started imagining all the great sprays that would be outstanding performers for the public at large, like, “No More Rude People,”  “No More Mouthy Teenager” or my personal favorite, “No More Dumb People that Work at Drive Thru-s.” Sheesh. The only difficulty with that last one, would be that the speaker comes before the window where you would need to spray.  You’d have to back through to work it effectively.  Could cause some logistics problems.

Anyway, it’s time for Ollie Ollie Oxen Free, so the kids can come out of hiding and eat lunch.  Too bad for them that I can’t yell, “Ollie Ollie Oxen Free” today.  I’m pretty certain I can lure them with mouth-watering aromas.  I’ll fry some onions and garlic and then serve PB&J.  :o)

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4 Responses to “Silence is Golden. Duct Tape is Silver.”

  1. rixgal Says:

    I just posted this blog and the phone rang. It was my sister who had just read my blog and wanted to hear my missing voice. I whispered a loud “Hello” and just heard laugher. She added that she wants the spray “No More Homework”. :o)

  2. Jennie C. Says:

    You’re so funny. I’m glad I didn’t marry the deaf brother. You need to figure out how to wrap the words around the image – the white space is bothering me. ;)

  3. The Informal Matriarch Says:

    My husband can’t hear anything either. It drives me crazy!

    That tango spray made me laugh.

    As a hairdresser, I will recommend you find a place that sells Redken products and get the anti-snap treatment. The no more tangles stuff is pretty much liquid plastic that makes your hair slippery. With all of the damage you’ve done, your cuticles are all open and they act like velcro on other hairs. You need to repair the damage instead of spraying plastic over it :). A bottle of anti-snap is expensive but Redken goes such a long way that you end up spending about the same amount of money on drug store products because you need to use so much of them. Perhaps grab a bottle of the color shampoo and a bottle of all soft conditioner as well. You’ll be in Heaven :)

  4. rixgal Says:

    Where have you been all my hair’s life?

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