A Plug for Grass

The phone rang in our kitchen, before the days of caller ID, and I answered unaware that I was in for the laugh of my life!  The kind lady simply asked for Rick, my husband.  I said he was unavailable and asked if she would like to leave a message.  “Yes,” she replied, “Terri from HCB… our number is XXX-XXX-XXXX.”  I jotted it down and inquired, “What does HCB stand for?”  “Hair Club for Men,” she answered.  Without any forethought or self-control, I burst out laughing…. you know, the laugh from deep down within your belly that brings tears to your eyes because you’ve just heard something so incredibly funny!  After I calmed down she asked, “Is Rick going to get this message?”  I spit out, “Oh, you bet he is!!!” 

A bit of background:  my husband’s hair has receded since I met him when he was an 18-year-old whipper snapper.  But it is still generally in place, and black and reasonably thick.  But he worked with a man once upon a time that we kindly referred to as RugMan… who, obviously, wore a toupee.  I think that guy talked Rick into thinking he would need one some day.  (Over my dead body.)  I’m not sure how the HCB got Rick’s name and number but I found it hilarious! 

We also had a chiropractor at one time that decided to get hair replacement therapy, more commonly known as plugs.  His hair actually looked a lot fuller and natural…. except for his scalp where the plug line started…. it looked like a curb with the plugs on top.  I could not look the man in the face for fear that my eyes would wander north to the curb.  We eventually found a new chiropractor.

All that to say, these stories were fresh in my mind this week as our grass came in.  In Phoenix, we have to plant the winter grass each year in October/November if we want a sea of green out the back door.  The summer grass is quite hardy and comes back each year.  We have never successfully planted winter grass… and this was our 13th unsuccessful year.  Last year I spread the seed and it came up looking like I walked out with the seed bag and tripped, spilling all the seed in one spot.  I didn’t, but couldn’t prove other wise.  After much discussion this year, we decided that we needed to aerate the lawn bed to promote drainage and even growth.  So we did.  But the outcome reminded me of a lawn that went to Hair Club for Men.  Look:

The entire lawn came up…. ONLY in the aerated holes.  This looks nearly as bad as my tripping, spilling, planting year.  Rick is determined to get green grass in an even, flat formation.  He went out again and did more aerating.  He spread more seed.  He adjusted sprinklers.  He watered by hand.  I think we’re simply in for the year of the plug grass.

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