Posts Tagged ‘adoptive parents’

72 Hours of Joy

October 19, 2010

Yesterday was quite possibly the saddest day of my life.  After receiving the referral of a little darling girl on Friday we were all in LALA Land and giddy with the anticipation of our little girl coming home next month.  My husband and I went out and bought a few more items to take with us to Colombia, and a few to send ahead: coloring books, disposable cameras, size 6 rainbow undies and a cheap plastic photo album.

Months ago I painstakingly made of list of possible International Adoption Pediatricians who could review the medical history of our referral.  I mean really,….. how do you pick someone on the other side of the country, whom you’ve never met and will most likely never meet, to give you some of the most important information that you’ll ever receive in your whole life?  Well, as a good Type A student, I made a list.  I always make lists.  For this adoption I’ve made lists of things to do, things to buy, psychologists, social workers, immunizations, clothes to pack…. so quite naturally… Int’l Adoption Pediatricians.  I emailed 8 or 9 of them and scrutinized their responses.  I had the list narrowed to two, but was highly in favor of one doctor who had four internationally adopted kids himself.  He’s been there, done that.  That tidbit resonated with my soul.

Before I made my decision, I emailed a local friend who has three children by adoption and asked her who she used.  Miraculously, out of all 627 possible specialists in the USA, she named the same doctor who topped my list.  She paid the man the highest praise for the work he did for their family.  So I was good with that. 

Fast forward to this past Sunday, when I sent him the files we had received with our referral.  After reading the 40 pages with our untrained, naive and somewhat rose-colored-glasses-covered eyes, we questioned the money needed to have the files reviewed.  But I read the email a second time that came from our case worker, suggesting that we have the medical info reviewed…. and I sent off the wad of money and the files. 

Yesterday was Monday and Rick was off of work, thank God!  The doctor called us back around 11:00 am and proceeded to give us the worse possible news that we absolutely did not want to hear.  He had not seen a child more needy than this one in all of his ten years reviewing files.  Several times he apologized for being the bearer of bad news, but remarked that there was no cheery way of looking at this.  It all boiled down to two comments that he made, that I scribbled down on my very worn out adoption notebook.  Our number one priority is the preservation of our family.  Secondly, the odds are overwhelmingly against us for success with this child.  Heartbreaking news.

As the 45 minute phone call wore on, I became increasingly quiet and my husband finished all the responding for us.  Tear stains dotted my lavender t-shirt and I sat in my green birthday chair in our bedroom wondering, Why in the world did we get matched with this poor little child?  We certainly couldn’t harm the relationships that we’ve built over the last 17 years with our three children.  We couldn’t put them at risk.  We couldn’t wreck our family by trying to save this little girl, whose chances of being saved were slim to none.  After prayer and discussion and tears, we declined the referral.

My thrify-minded husband said, “That phone call was worth every penny we paid that man!”  And it was. 

I suppose we’ll never know, this side of heaven, why that darling little girl with black hair was ours for 72 hours.  But she was and we loved her whole heartily.  We pray she will be placed in a home with the resources to aid her healing and steer her through adolescent and the teen years.

We are still at the top of the list and a new referral should come in 3-4 weeks.  I don’t know how much more of this I can take!

We Made the List!

October 13, 2010

Here is the latest and GREATEST list of children being adopted from ICBF in Colombia.  Notice anything???? YES!  That’s us!  The 5-6 year-old age group and the Feb. 2008 application date!  SO EXCITING!

               Children Age      Application Date
 
Child               0 – 1                 feb-07
Child               1 – 2                 feb-07
Child               2                      ene-06
Child               2 – 3                 oct-06
Child               3                      abr-06
Child               3 – 4                 oct-06
Child               4                      may-06
Child               4 – 5                 jul-06
Child               5                      feb-09
Child               5 – 6                 feb-08
Child               7                      jul-10

I thought I was handling the stress of this week jes’ fine…. but the tension in my shoulders is telling me otherwise.  I’ll post within nanoseconds of getting our referral!

Pregnancy Realization

September 29, 2010

Today was day #60….. the last day of the window of time when we were supposed to get our referral call for our adoption of our little princess from Colombia.  Did we get a call?  No.  Did we get any indication of any adoption news?  No.  Disappointing?  Yes.

Then I started recollecting the situations surrounding all of my other pregnancies.  Yes, this is a pregnancy of the heart, not the womb, but it is ever so real and genuine…. bringing forth a child to our home… forever.  Both of my first two children were,….. um, ……tardy in their arrivals.  I was induced with each of them on the TENTH day after the due date.  Yes, ten days late.  They weren’t even trying to come out yet.  At all.  Kid #3 was only five days later than the due date, but also induced, so we don’t actually know how long he would have stayed inside either.

So this child is proving to be a true Crosby….. tardy, but worth waiting for.  I must admit though, that 3 years 10 months and 4 days is EVER so much longer than we had originally thought or planned on.  If patience is a virtue, I’m a virtuous woman.

Yes, I called our case worker several times today hoping for a thread of information.  I did leave a message, and I’ll begin my calls again tomorrow morning.  They do find out families have been matched with a child two weeks prior to the referral call….. so they should know SOMETHING!

I’ll keep you posted.

Adoption News! Yeah!

June 3, 2010

We are now #10 on the wait list.  For details, please see www.ZazasMama.wordpress.com

This was interesting news for me, bringing mixed emotions to the surface.  I was thinking (read: hoping and praying) that we would be about #7 by now, so it is sad news in a way.  But good news in that we have more time to finish raising our adoption funds and more time to improve my Spanish!  I was second guessing our two-week trip to Lake Tahoe which commences next week, wondering if we should be using vacation days so close to when we could travel.  But now, it looks like we won’t travel until Fall.  Which is good and bad.  Bad for Larisa signing up for classes in the Fall, but good because OUR GIRL WILL BE HOME!

I just had a flashback to when we were number 185!  THAT was a long time ago!  We’ve come a long way, baby.

That’s all for now…. going to go upstairs and finish sewing Zaza’s dolly’s outfit #4.  :o)

Our Adoption of Zaza

May 20, 2010

I realize that this blog, my every day life blog, is the one listed with our adoption agency, Gladney, as our adoption blog.  It is not, but I do occassionaly put adoption news and tidbits on here.  For those who have never looked to the right —–> there is a counter that is unbelievably at 3 years and almost 6 months that we have been waiting for our little girl, Zaza.  Our adoption blog doesn’t get as many entries as this one, but it can be found at:  www.ZazasMama.wordpress.com.  Our timeline is there as well as the worse-than- snail-slow process and progress.

Yes, I think about our little girl every day.  Yes, I miss her and I haven’t even met her yet.  We do not know her age, her name, her location (other than Colombia), her background…. nothing.  But she is our little girl… who is not home yet.  Our 11-year-old son prays faithfully for Zaza each night that she has a home and a bed and food and people who love her.  I pray they same prayer each night and that she will know God’s love at an early age.

Yes, we call her Zaza.  My sister-in-law came up with that nickname because we kept saying “our little girl from Colombia”… which is a bit long.  No, we will not change her name to Zaza.  We won’t change her first name at all because she will be 5 or 6-years-old and her name will be one of the only things she brings home with her from her mother country. 

Yes, waiting is hard.  I hate waiting.  I’m SOOO a right now girl!  This has taught me patience beyond what I thought was humanly possible.  We know some day she will be here and our family will be complete, but we don’t know when…… like I said, it’s hard.

This week I’ve been sewing a dolly, her clothes and a sleeping bag for the dolly…. all for Zaza to play with.  It keeps my mind on her and prayers sent heavenward on her behalf.  It also makes me feel like I’m doing SOMETHING!

Tears & Laughter

November 24, 2009

My life seems to be on the replay cycle right now.  I was reading back to last year’s posts at this time…. I certainly don’t need to write about my events of Thanksgiving week this year… they are EXACTLY the same as last year:  Larisa’s play, Stove Top Stuffing, and three or four hockey games for Austin.  Please see 2008 posts if you’re wanting photo proof of what will transpire in my life this week.

I also listened to Third Day’s song Merry Christmas about the orphan child who is not home for Christmas… and I cried…. again.  (For a good cry go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcPBA9-wyZE&feature=related ) I just don’t understand why we have to wait so long.  Or why Zaza has to wait so long for us to come and get her.  Distinctly I remember folding the damp dish towel after drying the Thanksgiving dishes and telling my mom and sister-in-law, Julie, that we were going to adopt.  That was 200SIX!  Three long years later, I never thought Zaza’s buttery yellow room and her curvy purple bed would still be vacant.  I realize that God’s timing is perfect and mine is not.  But it doesn’t bring me joy.

So, when the adoptive parent blues hit hard, I go to Bookman’s, my favorite used book store, and find adoption stories where moms and dads actually get to take home their child in the end of the book.  It makes me believe again.  There are happy endings.  Other mothers waited years and years and eventually hugged and kissed the child of their heart.  So last week I found and read this book:

I had half the book read before bedtime and finished the next morning.  I bonded with the author instantly as I read her prose.  She writes like I do… in incomplete sentences that drive English teachers CRAZY!  She used picture words to describe each and every one of the five senses from bitter tea to soft skin, hazy lighting and a hairy hand.  Her word choice inspired me to run to the computer and write, write, write.  She also had several funny, real-life experiences that Rick and I have actually had… like weighing our heads on the bathroom scale.  Wierd, I know.  But it made me feel less wierd, knowing someone else had done it too.  And her adoption story is very real.  I wanted to kick in some Russian teeth because of how she was treated.  I also longed to hold my little girl when she finally got to hold her little boy.  Needless to say, it was a good read with the happy ending I needed to push me through another month or two… or ten, God forbid.

A Copy and Paste Blog from Kelly

November 8, 2009

Kelly is my blog sister who lives in Tennessee and is also adopting from Colombia with Gladney Center for Adoption.  We both decorated our little Colombian princesses’ rooms in mariposas de la lavanda (lavender butterflies)!  Her blog this past week could have been written from my heart as much as it was from hers.  So here is Kelly’s post that says exactly how I’m feeling too:

We’d Love a Referral in November–It Is National Adoption Month =)

I love talking about our adoption journey. I’m happy to share how God has called us to adopt. November is National Adoption Month, but even if it wasn’t I’d still be telling our story.I love how God has put this love in my heart for a little girl that I don’t even know anything about. I don’t know how old she is, what she looks like, where she is exactly (maybe she is @ Chiquitines, but maybe she’s not there yet). She may not even be born yet, but still I love her.
**(Zaza is born already, but we don’t know what region she is in.)
I love hearing the boys pray for their little sister. There isn’t much that is sweeter, if you ask this momma =) 

There are so many things that are hard to explain to people, when I’m trying to share our story. I have learned though, that some people just don’t get “it.” Countless times I have been asked why we are going to Colombia, and why we are not adopting here @ “home.” Really people just don’t get “it.” I am thankful that God has made it clear to us, that our daughter is in Colombia. Now, I just have to be patient & wait for the details of the rest of our journey. We know that we will not be traveling in 2009, because the courts in Colombia close Dec. 15th to Jan. 15th. There is still a possibility that we will get our referral this year & then we would travel when the courts opened in January. This is our prayer. Have I ever told ya’ll how hard waiting is? =)

**From http://whatweareherefor.blogspot.com/

 

November 3rd has Come and Gone {sigh}

November 3, 2009

If you have followed our eternal adoption saga, you know that I’m a tad sad today.  November 3rd is the last day of the year 2009 that a referral call can be received from Bogota… and your child can be home by Christmas.  Our call did not come today.  This will be Christmas #3 without our baby girl looking wide-eyed at her first glistening Christmas tree, or having a family to gather with and sing carols in a strange language, or making Sugar cookies in the shapes of stars, candy canes and snowmen with sprinkles.  I don’t know if I can stand to put the baby ornaments on the tree this year.

When I think of the life Zaza is most likely living right now… down in Colombia… it makes my heart sad.  We pray for her every single day to be cared for, warm, fed and loved.  I know it will be the shock of her life to leave all that is familiar to her… food, weather, friends, home, caretakers, clothes, smells, Spanish, songs and games.  I’m glad that we stay in Colombia for a month to get used to each other in her surroundings.  But I honestly cannot wait to shower her in love and kisses.  To bring her to her own home and show Zaza her darling yellow room with the purple bed.  Her very own room!  With butterflies, dragonflies, flowers and the sun painted in bright colors and glitter dancing around the tops of her walls.  Her own curvy mirror to look in, comb her black hair that is just like her daddy’s and admire her beautiful clothes.  I can’t wait to hear squealing in our home again, high-pitched laughter and giggling.  We haven’t had princess tea parties in many years around here.  And dancing.  Yes, we will dance with Zaza.

We started a unit with the boys today on patience and plant growth.  As I read the definition “patience is waiting without complaining” I realized why God planned for us to start the unit today… Nov. 3rd.   I plan my homeschool year in early June, when I wasn’t aware of the Nov. 3rd cut off date.  And of course it would be patience out of all the character traits that it could be.  HE knew!  So we planted grass and flowers and herbs and vegetables today.  Of course I thought of doing all this with Zaza by my side making a mess next year.  I pray she loves gardening even half as much as I do.  We’ll have great fun together with the dirt, water, seeds and rocks.  I’ve been eyeing the little gardening gloves, rubber boots and color coordinated kid-sized garden tools at JoAnns.  I LOVE those!  A must have.

The courts in Bogota are closed from Dec. 15 to Jan. 15th, so there will be no action at all until after that. {sigh} The good news of Nov. 3rd being over is that the holidays are spent focussing on the family that is here, the few years we have left together, and making memories that will last. 

Seed Is a Promise

I read the book A Seed is a Promise today…. and it is, whether it is an actual plant seed, or the seed of a child born in your heart.  It is a promise.  A promise that will come true… if we have patience (and wait without complaining!)

Coupon Sense Testimony Time

August 26, 2009

Ok, just had to share.  You know how it is when you save hundreds of dollars for your husband.  I dropped Austin off at hockey practice and lo and behold, there is a Fry’s and Safeway conveniently located by the arena.  Sweet Jesus!  I am currently grounded from spending money… but that’s for another blog on a depressing day… not today.  So, I went to both stores for just the freebies and got:

5 boxes of Kellogg’s corn flakes

2 avocados

6 Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (4 in a pkg)  No, I don’t plan to eat all those tonight or even this week.  That is a three month supply!  Hidden of course.

(They were out of the free zip lock baggies and the free salad dressing!  BAH!)

And spent….. $.19.   Yes, that’s cents, not dollars.  NINETEEN cents.  That doesn’t even count as spending money.

Then I went to Barnes & Noble to casually browse adoption books, which is what us adoptive parents do in our WAITING time.  I found three and then a comfy chair.  Half way through the second book I figured out that I was pretty tired when I did a church nod!  (That’s when your head falls to the side in an uncontrolled, but quickly rectified fashion.)  So I put the books back and wandered TJ Maxx.  Remembering fervently that I’m grounded from spending money.

One of the adoption books, or should I say anti-adoption books, was just more than I could take.  It was so generalized on the negative side I felt like ripping out pages and wadding them up.  But then I’d have to explain the the B&N people that I can’t pay for it because I’m grounded from spending money.  So I just put it back on the shelf and truly questioned the benefits of books full of negative smack.  Who reads those?  Oh, negative people.  Right.

Anyway, Rick is away tonight on a trip, so I will have a full night of blissful rest without having to tell him to turn over and stop snoring.  Yes, I’d rather have him here.  Yes, my tired body is happy he’s gone for just one night.  I can’t imagine being a real pilot’s wife when they are gone so much.  Thankfulness has again filled my heart, even though I’m grounded from spending money.  Sweet Dreams!

Help is on the Way!

July 12, 2009

Today at church we spoke with a family who just returned from Bogota on Thursday, not for adoption though.  All her family still live there AND she offered a nephew to help us when we get there!  SCORE!  Also the kind lady said that she would be glad to come over and narrate a video of our home that we plan to show to Zaza once we arrive.  I told her I’d call when the house is clean…… yikes!  I’ve read that watchinig the video over and over REALLY helps the child adjust to their new home when they know what to expect.  The book I read suggested starting from driving up to the house and entering the front door.  Then going room by room and pointing out different things in each room.  Another family that made a video said that upon their return home, their new daughter ran straight to her room to “get at the Barbies!”  So adorable. 

Zaza’s Barbies are in a box in the garage and in a drawer in her dresser……  a doll house is definitely needed. I asked my 12 year old son if he would build a doll house when he finishes his summer program (next week!) and he said he would!  I just need to locate a plan online for him to follow.  He’s a whiz with all his power tools.

I also did the travel immunization calls this last week.  OK, I’m not real good with getting needles.  Even that picture makes me cringe.  Everywhere I called it was $165 for the five of us to get in the door and then from $30 up per shot… and we need ELEVEN.  So, for those as great with math as I am, I used the calculator and that’s $495+.  So before completely freaking out, I called our health insurance and found two “approved” shot places that only charge our $10 deductible for each person.   Period.   Thank you, Jesus!

I’m thanking God every day for providing what we need when we need it.