Summer Lovin’ Had Me a Blast!

Count it all joy. That’s in the Bible… yep. So I’m counting it all joy…. my summer fun. If you think purgatory isn’t real, I’ve got news for you. Here are the last month’s trips through address change hell and debit card dumbness. (And you thought it was all over months ago!) NO WAY, JOSE!

At the bank, our personal bank of more than eight years whom I have contacted I cannot tell you how many times to straighten out our address, we went in to open the Colombian princess’ 13-year-old account. They asked me to verify my address. I got it wrong. (My favorite part of this is when they look at me like I’m dumb. I don’t even know where I live! I should probably be in a home for the bewildered.) I tried again with an Oklahoma address where we have never lived… yep. OHMYSTARS! So they “fixed” it for the umpteenth time. Right! Until next month when I go back in for some other such banking service!

(Here are two people. One lives in Arizona. One lives in Oklahoma. BIG difference!)

Next, I needed to renew the hosting for my website. They asked for the last four digits of the card that was used to open the account. I replied, “That was three or four debit cards ago. I have no idea.” Then they asked to verify my address. I just flat out lied and said I have two… one in Arizona (where we have lived for 11 years) and one in Oklahoma (where we have never and will never live). I have both memorized. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this until now! It worked. Feeling all proud of myself…. for lying. See what this has come to?

Tonight I called an automated system to pay a bill. It is a bill that was on auto pay but must have missed the last new debit card change (after someone went all wild with my card on nike.com and zoolily.com) because it is four months overdue. I tried to use the automated system because it was after hours. The first question was to verify my street address… 2524… nope. We are at 2416… and the Oklahoma address is 500. So I tried to gain access with the last four digits of our social security numbers. Both were turned down, but I know those were right! Then they asked to verify the address again. I got it wrong again. I vaguely remembered that 2524 was our street address in a short term rental in between our homes 11 years ago. So I hung up and called back. I thought I was being all tricky, but it didn’t work. Dangitallanyhow.

Tomorrow I will call when I can go over all this again and again with a live person because I don’t have anything better to do with my time. And I like talking to people who don’t really believe what I’m telling them. It makes me miss the days of slamming down the phone receiver. Sigh.

Here’s my free advice: when your child gets married and moves away, volunteer to fill out the address change card FOR THEM! Don’t let them make the mistake on your watch of checking the “whole family” box on the pink form. It is painful and goes on forever and ever. Learn from our mistake, people!

Summer lovin’ had me a blast!

My New Debit Card is WORKING!

Yay! The new debit card I have had for a couple months is working! I haven’t had any issues with it, other than forgetting to slip it in the chip reader instead of swiping. On days when I should be napping, but am shopping, I still revert to the late 80s and hand my card to the tellers. These young whippersnappers have no clue that we have been handing over our cards for decades only to be retrained to swipe …. and now chip read. Good grief. I’m starting to believe that old-dog-new-trick-deal is real.

My new card is working so well, someone else decided to start using it too! Oh goodie!  Share the wealth! And Bernie isn’t even president!

Sitting on the couch, reading aloud Where the Red Fern Grows, our homeschool bliss was interrupted by my cell phone ringing. I only answer during school for the Principal of our homeschool. My sweet husband asked in a remarkably calm voice, “Um…. are you going all crazy buying things online today?” No, I hadn’t. But had I known he would respond so calmly about a $269 Zulily purchase and $170 of new Nikes, (plus a few other purchases) I might have considered a spending frenzy. I was just looking at Zulily a few days ago and they have some cute turquoise lacy tops that I would totally buy!

So, as you may have guessed, I called my bank. It’s my most unfavorite pastime. They can cancel a card in mere minutes. It’s remarkable! 1/100 of the time it takes them to get you a working card over the phone! And there were no security questions that I couldn’t answer. They didn’t even ask for my pin… THAT I ACTUALLY KNOW! And since I am smart to their ways of sending my new cards by tortoise, I asked where a local branch was that I could drive to TODAY to get a new card. BAM! The guy delivered three addresses all within ten minutes of the house! It made my pulse race.

Today I’m not wearing my “okay-to-be-viewed-by-strangers” clothes. I’m wearing my “wake-up-at-7:10-and-get-in-the-van-in-10-minutes” clothes. But I did not care that my attire and appearance might embarrass a child of mine in public because I did not have a working debit card!!!!! (Let’s switch things up for once, kiddos!)

Getting the new card at the bank was almost painless. The kind man, who gushed that he frequently gets mistaken for the Property Brothers, asked it I had recently shopped at a “large chain hardware store with an orange logo”? (He simply blurted out Home Depot, but I’m being all careful now.) YES! I just bought the new door handle for the front door that is the wrong size but my son installed anyway! However, his Property Brothers comment made me thankful that our bank services seeing-impaired individuals.

Use cash, people. Or barter. They’re the only safe ways nowadays.

Debit Card Conundrum, Part I

At the Dollar Store I ran my debit card through the little machine and it was declined. There were sufficient funds in my account… by ten times at least, so I assumed it was the Dollar Store processing machine. They probably bought the machine at the 99 Cent Store.

Later that day I tried my debit card in a REAL store, Michael’s Craft Store, a legitimate establishment, and it was again denied. Something was up.

I called my bank and was told that my debit card had been closed. Not the account, just the card I use to access the account. My replacement debit card with the newfangled chip had been mailed to me in early September. The same time period when our mail was temporarily detouring to Oklahoma for three weeks… thanks to our married daughter changing her mailing address. I explained that I did not receive my new card. Fix it, please.

The kind man had to make sure that my new missing card had not been activated…. it had not. Thank goodness. So he closed that card and proceeded to open a third card that I could actually use. However, I had to answer some security questions. No prob, slob. I know my mother’s maiden name and the street I grew up on and my first pet’s name and my high school mascot. Easy peasey.

The first question was “When did you open this account?”

I replied, “I don’t know.”

“Ma’am, you have to answer the question or I can’t open a new card for you. Here are your multiple choice answers…. 2011, 2008, 2009, 2006.”

I let him know that multiple choice wouldn’t help me. I thought hard and counted back…. and guessed. Wrong.

Next question, “Were you ever employed at one of these businesses?” He named three businesses that I had never heard of, and then one where my husband used to work over 15 years ago.

“Sir, this is my personal account, in my name only. My husband used to work at choice D, but I have never worked at any of those places. So I choose E, none of the above.” Wrong.

“Sir, how many questions can I get wrong and still get a card?” He wasn’t sure, but kept going.

“What was the name of the high school you attended?” BAM! I got one right without hesitation!

“Sorry, ma’am, you have missed too many and you need to go into a bank and prove your identity.” But I got that one right. Why weren’t the questions stopped at two wrong???

I assumed security questions were to keep strangers out of my account. Apparently, they are to keep everyone out, including me.

So my busy day ended with me screeching my tires into the bank parking lot four minutes before it closed so I could prove who I am and get a card to use… although it had to be mailed to me in five business days.

Please stay tuned for parts II and III and the Debit Card Conundrum.