If you’re a mother, you get this. It’s very real. So real it’s tangible. Guilt that only mothers can have, get or put on themselves.
Three years ago, I dutifully accompanied the Colombian princess to her first American dental appointment. After the x-rays and examination, the dentist handed me a sizeable Mother Guilt trophy explaining that her Colombian fillings were of poor quality and ALL needed to be replaced. She had multiple cavities that would need to be filled immediately and there was so much work necessary that we would have to take her to a pediatric specialist to put her under for the procedures. He had the nerve to ask if she brushed her teeth. He meant AT ALL! If nothing else, my little girl is diligent with personal care tasks. She is the most regular flosser in our house, I’ll have you know, Mr. 24-year-old not-shaving-yet white coat!!
After listening to his entire money-hungry spiel, I inquired the location of the cavities. As I suspected, they were all on baby teeth AND they were all minor. With the referral slip in hand, I slipped out of the office and took the princess home to her father. Being fully versed in dental procedures and examinations, together her father and I ascertained that the Colombian fillings were just fine and we wiggled all the baby teeth with cavities. We noticed they all got more wiggly as we took turns wiggling them. Nope, not fixing them.
This is a translation for those who aren’t mothers.
What dentists say: “Your child has cavities.” What a mother hears: “You are not taking care of your child.”
What dentists say: “There are two types of fillings.” What a mother hears: “There are $250 fillings that good mothers choose, and $75 fillings that bad mothers choose.”
What Dentists say: “Is your child flossing?” What a mother hears: “Are you concerned at all about the health of your child?”
What Dentists say: “Is your child brushing after each meal?” What a mother hears: “If you haven’t taught her to BRUSH HER TEETH, what the heck are you doing all day long?”
What Dentists say: “She hasn’t been in for a long time.” What a mother hears: “Why are you a mother at all?”
This entire dental event had me swear off my motherly duties of dental visits. Period. I somehow forgot the six month check ups… for two years. It’s easy to block episodes that cause Mother Guilt. Finally, after almost all of her baby teeth had fallen out, I made an appointment for her with her FATHER to go back to that horrible place.
Her appointment was this morning at 8:00. By 9:40 I had not heard from them and was envisioning my little Colombiana strapped in the reclined chair, wearing a bloodied paper bib with tears running down her little cheeks into her ears. Just then my husband called and relayed that they were at Denny’s having breakfast. He casually mentioned that she had NO CAVITIES! WHAT? And I wasn’t there to receive my Mother of the Year trophy!!! When they got home, she reported that they put fluoride on her teeth and told her not to eat anything for 30 minutes, but that Daddy took her to Denny’s anyway. Nice! Father guilt doesn’t even exist! If her fluoride wore off with a Jr. Grand Slam, it is SOOO not this mama’s fault!
My Sister's Jar 