Physio-Fly-Swatter-Therapy

Last May we were camping at Lake Pleasant and it truly was pleasant… except for one thing.  BIRDS.  I’m talking about the big, ugly crows that are horrendously noisy.  So noisy at 4:45 in the morning, that their screeching pulled me from my slumber and my from my tent.  I am not a morning person.  Anger comes swiftly and vehemently when I’m annoyed at 4:45 a.m.  Searching for the biggest rock I could find (which isn’t saying much at Lake Pleasant) I took aim and hurled said rock at the pair of crows in the nearby tree.  Thanks to my days in softball, my aim is quite accurate and the birds left the area after the first throw.  The morning was quiet again.

Sadly, I was so mad that I threw the rock with all my might without warming up first.  Yes, you guessed it, I pulled or pushed or injured or tore some muscle or tendon in my right shoulder.  Although satisfied that the offending squawkers were gone, my arm hung limply at my side and I crawled back in my sleeping bag and tried not to cry. 

No, I didn’t go to the doctor.  That would have required a “I threw a rock at some birds” story that I was not proud enough to tell.  Each time I got a massage at the chiropractor’s office, I would ask the gal to go easy on my shoulder.  This was ongoing for eleven long months.  Pain in my shoulder stopped me from lying on my right side…. every single eye-opening night… for eleven months.

THEN…. a fly was in my kitchen.  I hate flies, almost as much as squawking birds, but not quite.  I got the bright yellow fly swatter and stealthily followed the fly’s movements around the kitchen.  Death was immanent.  Finally, it landed on the wall above the kitchen sink.  The fly’s time had come.  I jumped and swung the swatter with gusto and killed the fly!  Hooorrayyyy!  However, something popped in my right shoulder and once again, my arm hung limply at my side.  It was a bit different this time as the pain and limpness was accompanied by tingling that traveled to my fingertips.  Wow! 

Funny thing happened.  My shoulder stopped hurting after that.  Physio-Fly-Swatter-Therapy.  It works, people.

A Plug for Grass

The phone rang in our kitchen, before the days of caller ID, and I answered unaware that I was in for the laugh of my life!  The kind lady simply asked for Rick, my husband.  I said he was unavailable and asked if she would like to leave a message.  “Yes,” she replied, “Terri from HCB… our number is XXX-XXX-XXXX.”  I jotted it down and inquired, “What does HCB stand for?”  “Hair Club for Men,” she answered.  Without any forethought or self-control, I burst out laughing…. you know, the laugh from deep down within your belly that brings tears to your eyes because you’ve just heard something so incredibly funny!  After I calmed down she asked, “Is Rick going to get this message?”  I spit out, “Oh, you bet he is!!!” 

A bit of background:  my husband’s hair has receded since I met him when he was an 18-year-old whipper snapper.  But it is still generally in place, and black and reasonably thick.  But he worked with a man once upon a time that we kindly referred to as RugMan… who, obviously, wore a toupee.  I think that guy talked Rick into thinking he would need one some day.  (Over my dead body.)  I’m not sure how the HCB got Rick’s name and number but I found it hilarious! 

We also had a chiropractor at one time that decided to get hair replacement therapy, more commonly known as plugs.  His hair actually looked a lot fuller and natural…. except for his scalp where the plug line started…. it looked like a curb with the plugs on top.  I could not look the man in the face for fear that my eyes would wander north to the curb.  We eventually found a new chiropractor.

All that to say, these stories were fresh in my mind this week as our grass came in.  In Phoenix, we have to plant the winter grass each year in October/November if we want a sea of green out the back door.  The summer grass is quite hardy and comes back each year.  We have never successfully planted winter grass… and this was our 13th unsuccessful year.  Last year I spread the seed and it came up looking like I walked out with the seed bag and tripped, spilling all the seed in one spot.  I didn’t, but couldn’t prove other wise.  After much discussion this year, we decided that we needed to aerate the lawn bed to promote drainage and even growth.  So we did.  But the outcome reminded me of a lawn that went to Hair Club for Men.  Look:

The entire lawn came up…. ONLY in the aerated holes.  This looks nearly as bad as my tripping, spilling, planting year.  Rick is determined to get green grass in an even, flat formation.  He went out again and did more aerating.  He spread more seed.  He adjusted sprinklers.  He watered by hand.  I think we’re simply in for the year of the plug grass.

Campbell’s Soup Cures Back Pain

It’s true.  I found out today at the chiropractor!  Factual Information, I’m telling you.  It doesn’t even matter what flavor your choose.  It can be cream of mushroom, split pea or tomato.  Your choice.  You simply lie down flat on your back on the floor.  Put any Campbell’s soup can under the curve of your neck and tip your head back until it touches the ground.  Stay in this position for 20 minutes per day and VOILA!  your back pain will be cured.  My understanding is that the can puts your neck in the proper traction position and it pulls your spine in line.  (rhymey bimey!)  I started today.  I thought it was one of those wive’s tales… maybe it is?  But after 15 minutes, it really started to put pressure on my neck.  Weird, I know.  I’ll let you know if I’m cured of back pain in the next few months.  Here’s my other tidbit of advice… put the dog outside before you lie on the carpet.