Summer Lovin’ Had Me a Blast!

Count it all joy. That’s in the Bible… yep. So I’m counting it all joy…. my summer fun. If you think purgatory isn’t real, I’ve got news for you. Here are the last month’s trips through address change hell and debit card dumbness. (And you thought it was all over months ago!) NO WAY, JOSE!

At the bank, our personal bank of more than eight years whom I have contacted I cannot tell you how many times to straighten out our address, we went in to open the Colombian princess’ 13-year-old account. They asked me to verify my address. I got it wrong. (My favorite part of this is when they look at me like I’m dumb. I don’t even know where I live! I should probably be in a home for the bewildered.) I tried again with an Oklahoma address where we have never lived… yep. OHMYSTARS! So they “fixed” it for the umpteenth time. Right! Until next month when I go back in for some other such banking service!

(Here are two people. One lives in Arizona. One lives in Oklahoma. BIG difference!)

Next, I needed to renew the hosting for my website. They asked for the last four digits of the card that was used to open the account. I replied, “That was three or four debit cards ago. I have no idea.” Then they asked to verify my address. I just flat out lied and said I have two… one in Arizona (where we have lived for 11 years) and one in Oklahoma (where we have never and will never live). I have both memorized. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this until now! It worked. Feeling all proud of myself…. for lying. See what this has come to?

Tonight I called an automated system to pay a bill. It is a bill that was on auto pay but must have missed the last new debit card change (after someone went all wild with my card on nike.com and zoolily.com) because it is four months overdue. I tried to use the automated system because it was after hours. The first question was to verify my street address… 2524… nope. We are at 2416… and the Oklahoma address is 500. So I tried to gain access with the last four digits of our social security numbers. Both were turned down, but I know those were right! Then they asked to verify the address again. I got it wrong again. I vaguely remembered that 2524 was our street address in a short term rental in between our homes 11 years ago. So I hung up and called back. I thought I was being all tricky, but it didn’t work. Dangitallanyhow.

Tomorrow I will call when I can go over all this again and again with a live person because I don’t have anything better to do with my time. And I like talking to people who don’t really believe what I’m telling them. It makes me miss the days of slamming down the phone receiver. Sigh.

Here’s my free advice: when your child gets married and moves away, volunteer to fill out the address change card FOR THEM! Don’t let them make the mistake on your watch of checking the “whole family” box on the pink form. It is painful and goes on forever and ever. Learn from our mistake, people!

Summer lovin’ had me a blast!

My New Debit Card is WORKING!

Yay! The new debit card I have had for a couple months is working! I haven’t had any issues with it, other than forgetting to slip it in the chip reader instead of swiping. On days when I should be napping, but am shopping, I still revert to the late 80s and hand my card to the tellers. These young whippersnappers have no clue that we have been handing over our cards for decades only to be retrained to swipe …. and now chip read. Good grief. I’m starting to believe that old-dog-new-trick-deal is real.

My new card is working so well, someone else decided to start using it too! Oh goodie!  Share the wealth! And Bernie isn’t even president!

Sitting on the couch, reading aloud Where the Red Fern Grows, our homeschool bliss was interrupted by my cell phone ringing. I only answer during school for the Principal of our homeschool. My sweet husband asked in a remarkably calm voice, “Um…. are you going all crazy buying things online today?” No, I hadn’t. But had I known he would respond so calmly about a $269 Zulily purchase and $170 of new Nikes, (plus a few other purchases) I might have considered a spending frenzy. I was just looking at Zulily a few days ago and they have some cute turquoise lacy tops that I would totally buy!

So, as you may have guessed, I called my bank. It’s my most unfavorite pastime. They can cancel a card in mere minutes. It’s remarkable! 1/100 of the time it takes them to get you a working card over the phone! And there were no security questions that I couldn’t answer. They didn’t even ask for my pin… THAT I ACTUALLY KNOW! And since I am smart to their ways of sending my new cards by tortoise, I asked where a local branch was that I could drive to TODAY to get a new card. BAM! The guy delivered three addresses all within ten minutes of the house! It made my pulse race.

Today I’m not wearing my “okay-to-be-viewed-by-strangers” clothes. I’m wearing my “wake-up-at-7:10-and-get-in-the-van-in-10-minutes” clothes. But I did not care that my attire and appearance might embarrass a child of mine in public because I did not have a working debit card!!!!! (Let’s switch things up for once, kiddos!)

Getting the new card at the bank was almost painless. The kind man, who gushed that he frequently gets mistaken for the Property Brothers, asked it I had recently shopped at a “large chain hardware store with an orange logo”? (He simply blurted out Home Depot, but I’m being all careful now.) YES! I just bought the new door handle for the front door that is the wrong size but my son installed anyway! However, his Property Brothers comment made me thankful that our bank services seeing-impaired individuals.

Use cash, people. Or barter. They’re the only safe ways nowadays.

Credit Card Issues from the NEW BANK!

I am on credit card Candid Camera. I’m sure of it.

With all the issues from our current bank with debit and credit card issues and address changes, we applied for a credit card from another institution, hoping and praying for better results.

There is no balance on the card…. it is for emergencies only.

Today I got a call saying that my payment was late and I needed to make a payment of $75 right now to set my account straight. Um…. $75 for what? I was on my way into an appointment, so I told the proper English-as-a-second-language fellow that I would call later and get to the bottom of this. He kept yammering. I said BYE! and hung up. See? I was nice and signed off.

I called later to get to the bottom of this. (Push 1 for English. Enter last four of SS#. Push 0 to speak with a live person. Hello! Name as it appears on the card. Last four of SS#. Full card #. Whew.)  I asked what my balance was. $59. …. $59 for what? (And what happened to $75? Should I hang up and call back for a lower amount again?) I asked them to check what the charges were. Seems there is an annual fee that they break up and charge monthly. (That info was probably detailed in that really long paper they gave me with font size 3 writing…) And we missed a payment. And now two month’s payments are due plus a late fee.

I told the kind man, who was probably in India taking my call, that I would not be paying the late fee for monthly charges that I did not realize were going on the account monthly. BAM! Last I knew the balance was ZERO.

He quickly took off the late charges (probably sensing my superpowers) and then……..  we were disconnected. Perfect.

Call #3 (Push 1 for English. Enter last four of SS#. Push 0 to speak with a live person. Hello! Name as it appears on the card. Last four of SS#. Full card #. Whew.) I got to chat with a kind lady… and had to explain everything that just happened again. I told her I was calling to make the payment, minus the late fee. She told me that she could see a credit for the late fee, but that the charge would not come off until next month. Seriously? However, she would be happy to take my payment, but there is a $9.95 fee for paying over the phone. Oh.My.Stars. Not happening.

My husband did not relish hearing this story (except the part where I refused to pay the late fee) and asked me to call back and tell them we want to pay the yearly fee one time. I did. (Push 1 for English. Enter last four of SS#. Push 0 to speak with a live person. Hello! Name as it appears on the card. Last four of SS#. Full card #. Whew.)They won’t. I asked kind-man-from-India-#3 if we could just pay the yearly fee and have a positive balance on the card and the monthly fee would be taken out each month.

I had to go on purgatory hold while he checked with a supervisor. Of course I did. Well, it seems that we CAN have a positive balance but our credit score will go down if we don’t use the card and pay it off monthly.

I think we accidentally got the credit card for kindergartners.

Debit Card Conundrum, Part II

The day after I ordered my replacement debit card (see previous blog), my handsome husband, Rickey, informed me that his debit card was no longer working and that my card for our joint account wouldn’t be working either. This did not make me have visions of grandeur, as I only have two debit cards. After I relayed my tall tale of missing the security questions on the phone, Rick went straight into the bank, avoiding all that nonsense.

The next day, at Albertson’s I attempted to pay for my $70 of groceries with the card from our joint account. As suspected, it was denied. I had to use the emergency credit card. We do not use credit except for renting hotel rooms, or buying plane tickets….. groceries were a no no. But what was I to do?

Later that day our son Keeve had a state band competition on the far side of town more than an hour away. Rick was going to meet us part way and we would drive together. However, my van’s orange gas tank light was glaring brightly at me as I pulled out of the driveway. I decided to stop at Costco on the way to fill ‘er up. At Costco, I slid my credit card into the slot and the machine asked for my pin number. WHAT? I don’t have a pin number for my credit card! (My husband later informed me that Costco doesn’t take credit cards. How’s a girl to know?)

Getting back in the van, I clicked the little overhead button that tells exactly how many miles until we are out of gas…. 15. Good. After a brief calculation, I assumed our rendezvous was planned less than 15 miles away.

Poor 12-year-old Nora in the back seat was on the verge of a nervous breakdown watching the miles count down. She was imagining us living under an overpass in cardboard boxes, I’m sure. Every time it changed, she would read it aloud, but only in a whisper… ten…. eight…. six… two. And then she read no more after zero showed up and stayed. Holy mother of sweet baby Jesus, homelessness was immanent!

The next exit was only one shy of our meeting place, AND promised a gas station… luring me in like a fly to fly paper. After dialing Rick’s cell number, I explained that we were out of gas and he would need to ride one mile north on his white steed and save the fair maiden and the Colombian princess.

Unfortunately, he lamented that he was delayed and was more than 45 minutes away on the far side of town. Not quite crying, I whimpered about both debit cards not working and I didn’t know my pin number to my credit card. “Go inside the gas station and pay with your credit card!” he spat out. Never in my life have I gone inside a gas station to pay for gas. But now I have and we were happily on our much relieved way. Nora was breathing again and elated that we could drive for 356 miles before heart palpitations returned. She did ask how many miles away the band competition was!

I dialed up the bank again, thinking that I could now answer the stupid security questions, and get my new card ordered for the joint account. The kind lady informed me that my card was indeed open. I clarified through gritted teeth that I was forced to put $70 worth of groceries on a credit card because my debit card was indeed declined. Her response was to blame Albertson’s. I laughed in her ear, hung up and assumed I needed to go into the bank once more. Am I in debit card purgatory????

Please stay tuned for the Debit Card Conundrum, Part III.

Wedding Planning Extravaganza

Today I bring to you just a glimpse of how wedding planning is going for us. Here is the latest phone conversation with the store selling linens.

Me: Hi! I’d like to order a color sample chart.

Store: I’m sorry we are out of our color charts. They should be available end of February or March.

Me: (of course you are out) O.K., could I please order one napkin of each of the four colors we are looking at?

Store: I’m sorry, no, you can’t. The napkins only come in packages of 12.

Me: (of course they do) O.K., What is your return policy?

Store: You can return anything as long as it is unused and not laundered.

Me: Perfect. I would like to order a dozen each of linen napkins in ivory, beige, coral and hemlock.

Store: I would be happy to place that for you. What is the shipping address?

Me: (gives Larisa’s address at school that contains a C.P.O. Box)

Store: Oh, is that a post office box?

Me: No, it is a student box at a college.

Store: Packages cannot be delivered to P.O. Boxes.

Me: This is NOT a post office box. I send packages there all the time.

Store: O.K., but we are not responsible if it is returned.

Me: Fine.

(credit card number and details are exchanged)

Store: This name on the card does not match the shipping name.

Me: (no duh) Yes, that is my daughter, but I’m paying for this.

Store: So the address for the credit card is the same as the shipping address?

Me: No. (I don’t live with my daughter at college.)

(New billing address is given.)

Store: Thank you for your order. Those are pretty colors that will all look great together mixed on the tables.

Me: Thank you. (SERIOUSLY!? Did you forget the questions about color cards and ordering single napkins and return policy questions???)

And the 48 multi-colored napkins arrived in two days at O.R.U., were examined and are now all being returned.

End of story.