Yo Quiero Taco Bell!

Seriously, Rick and I should have bought stock in Taco Bell back in the day.  We went there on Sunday… because it was FAST… it was on the way to the Olympic gold hockey game…. and it was the cheap price, of course.  I’m married to Mr. Wallet after all.  As we approached the little talking box, I already tallied the tacos, burritos with no onions and the cheesy fiesta potatoes for Rick to order, so I handed the list to him.  The ordering was painless.  The delivery was painful. 

Being wise to the ways of Taco Bell under-paid-I’m-sure employees, I ALWAYS know the number count of how many items we ordered.  This time was no different…. 17.  (We had an extra kid with us, ok!) The bags were handed over and whaddya know… I only counted 16 carefully wrapped bundles of pseudo Mexican goodness.  I recounted.  Nada.  So Rick asked, “What’s missing?”  At that point I acted all-knowing because frankly, I wasn’t going to get out my tally list and mark off each taco, onionless burrito and cheesy fiesta potato.  I replied, “A bean burrito is missing,” because as heartless as it may seem, I didn’t really care what was missing and I knew whoever was missing something would eat a bean burrito with no onions if he or she was truly hungry enough. Brutal, I know.

As the window technician was delivering the counting error to the cooks, I handed the “cheesy fiesta potatoes” to Larisa, who opened the lid to find beans and cheese.  WRONG AGAIN, AMIGO!  Rick handed it back to the drive-through wizard and asked for the potatoes. 

We eventually got 17 items.  I still don’t know if they were the 17 that we ordered…. and it was NOT fast food.  I’m sure the people in the car behind us started chewing their nails due to hunger pangs.

This whole Mexican food extravaganza reminded me a time in Portland, Oregon when Rick and I were in a large van with about 12 people.  Call us stupid, but we went to the drive through at Taco Bell.  We ordered one by one and when all was paid for and received, I think only about eight people actually received what they ordered.  But we all ate something with meat and cheese and tortillas, so it was all good.  I wondered why we even ordered individually.  We could have just said “Send out 24 items.  We’ll pay $25,”  and we would have saved the ordering time.

You think we would have caught on by now, but no!

Golden Rings

Onions go in 75% of the meals that I cook on a regular basis.  So at the back of my mind, when I’m in the produce section of a grocery store, I usually have a mental picture of exactly how many onions are currently in the bottom vegetable drawer of the fridge.  Lately that picture has become foggy… and I bought more than were necessary at any given time.  There were two full red-net bags glaring at me through the plastic drawer every time I opened the fridge. 

THEN, last Saturday I decided to buy produce in bulk from Bountiful Baskets, a local co-op where you get fresh fruit and veggies at a local park at 8 a.m….. and you have to bring your empty laundry basket in order to transport them all home.  (Of course I forgot mine!)  It’s $15 and well worth the “ugly wives club” trip early Saturday morning.  Last week there was an Italian focus…. hence…. MORE onions. 

So this morning I announced that I was going to make onion rings for the first time in my life.  The kids are used to off-kilter announcements, so no one really got excited or alarmed.  My daughter did ask, “Why?”   “There are probably 20 onions in the fridge and we need to use them up.”  She proceeded to tell me that she had recently learned about exaggerating and saying-what-you-really-mean in her writing class, and SURELY there weren’t 20 onions in the fridge.  I thought there might actually be 20, so I counted.  She was right.  I exaggerated.  There were only 17.

On with onion ring production.  I sliced.  I cried.  I sliced some more.  I cried some more.  Austin assisted me in making the batter and Larisa stood by while I scooped lard into the electric frying pan.  She was beyond grossed out.  I questioned, “Didn’t you know what FRIED food means?”  But, alas, the lard before her eyes brought fast food to a new and grosser level than ever before. (Good!)

The golden rings of grease were actually quite tasty, but not as good as the ones at Sonic, according to my youngest son.  (Then stop eating them with two hands full!)  I have not deep-fried anything for years…. maybe 10 years.  It is pretty disgusting.  Moving on, my son commented, “They are good, Mom, but they taste like they aren’t good for you.”  Both Rick and I said simultaneously, “You mean the grease on your lips?”  hahahahaha!

I informed that family that I had used fresh onions (a VEGETABLE!) and whole wheat flour and skim milk for the batter…. so they ARE good for you.  They ALL rolled eyes at me… their very own mother!

We’re having French Onion soup for lunch and then grilled onions for dinner.  It makes me feel so healthy and my sinuses are clear!