I AM STILL ALIVE!

Hello! My name is Linda and this is my blog. The last time I wrote here to share my views and joy with the world wide web was August 4, 2017… … 559 days ago. So, I completely understand why some of you thought I died and you missed my funeral.

In reality, I did die many times in those 559 days. My life changed on several fronts.

Those whom I considered true friends turned away…. as recently as the last two months. Things in my life that I thought were solid were not. My expectations have been drawn lower. Sadly, my skepticism has grown in comparison. More sadly, my passion for writing dried up. Joy was sucked out of my life. Until tonight.

But this I know, my God is who He says He is… and He is faithful and true, compassionate and comforting. His grace is abundant as well as His forgiveness. He filled me with a love that I have never experienced until the carefully guarded pieces of my life that I held on a pedestal crumbled beyond my control… and I leaned into God. Never doubting.

Worship music about my Jesus fed life into my dry and aching soul like clear sweet water on my parched tongue. Songs like Just Give Me Jesus and Stand in Your Love and Fight My Battles. Months were spent curled up on my bed with my face in my tear-soaked pillow while Just Give Me Jesus played on repeat next to me on my nightstand…. the surrounding carpet littered with wadded tissues.

I have changed. And I have come to know that there is purpose in pain. We suffer in Christ so we can minister to others who suffer. Freedom has a price.

There are friendships for a season. There are those who should remain at an arm’s distance from our hearts. People let us down. I was not supposed to be so fully trusting in people… only in my Lord.

Blessings abound in true friendship. Seven dear friends stood by me and met my needs. Comfort with shared tears. Showing up at my doorstep with my favorite Starbucks drink. A frappe for a day of crap. They phoned to make sure I was eating. Texted just to regularly connect. And two new friendships were formed. Bound in love and sorrow… and hope.

The suffering here on earth is helping fix my eyes on the eternal prize of living with Jesus forever. Only then will we live without tears, pain and disappointment. I look forward to that day with renewed vigor. Just give me Jesus.

I also realized that I truly do believe what I have been taught my whole life… and what I have taught my children. Forgiven people forgive people. Hurt people hurt people. Love overcomes all. God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit are real and very close to the brokenhearted.

Joy is returning in little glimpses. Watercolor paintings of feathers. Red-throated House Finches and mahogany-masked House Sparrows visiting my feeder. Lavender hyacinths bursting with God’s perfumed fragrance. He loves to spoil us.

I am thankful. Grateful. Renewed.

Welcome back to me.

 

 

And BAM! 17 Years Flew By

Tonight we spent the evening visiting with fine Canadian friends that we lived life with up in Northern Alberta in the early 90s.  I haven’t written much about our Northern escapades in a while.  Quite a few memories were reborn in my mind tonight…. quality fodder for blogging.  Good times!  I love love love reconnecting with friends where it seems like NO time has gone by…. except for our husband’s higher foreheads and a few more smiling lines for us girls.  We chatted and laughed and got caught up on 17 years of information in seven hours. 

When we lived together in Fort Vermilion, Alberta our first children were born within four months of each other.  We shared many meals and phone calls in those early parenting years.  Hard to believe we both have four kids now.  And my 17-year-old daughter LOVED being introduced to a “stranger” and told that she had changed her diapers.  :o)  Keepin’ ’em humble.  That’s my job as the mom.

We’ve matured over the years, but one constant remained… God is good.  All the time.  Hard times come and go.  But God is good.  All the time.  Amen.

Highly Amusing

Some of you who know me well will find this tale tremendously, highly, even ridiculously amusing.  I awoke this morning at 6:58… even though the clock said 7:03…. I’m so onto Rick’s trick of setting it ahead.  I jumped into my bathing suit, (ok, maybe jumped was a bit of an exaggeration), grabbed my water bottle, Nike goggles, cover-up, BIG towel and headed out the door to meet Donna at the Tramonto lap pool. 

Clouds are not often seen in the great blue skies of Phoenix, but this morning they were plentiful.  When clouds do make an appearance, they are often white, puffy and here only for show…. no action.  This morning, some of their uglier grey cousins showed up to bare their teeth.  Donna and I felt the sparse raindrops but jumped in the pool anyway.  There was actually blue sky peeking at us from straight above.  We swam for 18 minutes and both surfaced simultaneously at different ends of the pool…. to hear rolls of thunder break the silence of the morning.  You’ve never seen two women scramble from a swimming pool so quickly….. earlier than originally planned, but SAFETY FIRST!

I’m always reading, as some of you know.  I always have a book with me.  This cloudy, thunderous morning was no exception.  Being that I was ahead of schedule, I went through Micky Dees for a $1 breakfast burrito.  I parked in the Albertson’s lot and slowly devoured my handful of Mexican goodness while reading International Adoption: Sensitive Advice for Prospective Parents.  I bought it yesterday afternoon and I’m on page 95.  It’s a good read.  I’m relating to the two women’s adoption fear, joy, anger, sadness, doubt, elation, etc. etc.

I finally realized that the breaky burrito was gone and I should probably head home to greet my children, who will undoubtedly be lying on the couch watching a movie…. and eating crackers.  My plans were foiled by a dead car battery.   Sheesh.  My first thought was “There is no way I’m asking for help in my bathing suit!”  I pulled my AAA card out of my wallet. (Anyone remember a few years back when I discovered I had been removed from the AAA family plan???)  Well, my card expired on July 31, 2009….. SIX DAYS AGO.  Stop laughing.  I phoned Rick to inquire of my AAA status.  He confirmed that I was indeed still covered by roadside assistance, but suggested I phone a friend instead of waiting an hour for my friendly tow truck driver.  I phoned Donna… no answer.  I phoned my Mom… Dad was gone.  I phoned my Dad… he was downtown getting his tires rotated.  I phoned Jill, who told me her long tale of woe regarding a wedding-gift-headboard-nightmare that was still ongoing.  Finally I asked if she could come save me…..  I told her that I had wet hair and was in my bathing suit.  She did her normal loud guffaw and agreed to come.  I continued reading.

Jill pulled up and when I climbed out of the van in my bathing suit and cover-up, she was positively disappointed that I had my cover-up.  She was hoping for just the bathing suit in Albertson’s parking lot.  Anyway, before we electrocuted ourselves with the jumper cables (even though we knew that red stands for the blood of Jesus and is positive) a kind elderly gentleman showed up and took care of business for us.

All this before 8:30 a.m.!!!