What Secret Room?

The brilliant decision has been made.  We need a secret room added to the house… secretly of course… for my hidden library.  Well, the only reason it will be called a library is because it will contain books.  Truthfully, it will be the room in which to set books.  All kinds of books, but mostly the books we use for homeschooling.  Right now there are piles in my bedroom…. American History (which needs to be put in a secret room…. right!?)…. National Parks…. The Story (the book our church is reading… and we bought a bag full… for children… for teens …. for adults)… Homeschool Readiness (this is my planner, binder, calendar, and various other books that need to be consolidated before we start school in two weeks) and Health Coaching books (my OTHER life… of helping people lose weight and live at optimal health) …. Other (which is just that…. dictionaries, daily devotionals, Bibles, books chewed by the wiener dog, journals, Nature books, fiction, etc.)

If my faded memory serves me correctly, it was the Fly Lady who first told me that clutter should not be in my bedroom.  It doesn’t promote rest.  It clouds my brain with confusion.  If I had a secret library, the books wouldn’t be in here.  My other clean-house-theory (term used loosely!) is to keep downstairs tidy as to promote the illusion of the tidiness of the people who live here to anyone who crosses the threshold of this house. Most of the time it works… as long as they don’t come up the stairs.  This leads me to be persuaded to add the secret library downstairs.  Downstairs is more tidy than upstairs.  But it would be a secret… not like anyone would see how tidy it actually would be.

I simply need to figure out where to put the bookcase/secret door that leads to the secret room addition to the house.  Yep, just the location, then I can go on Pinterest and find great pictures of secret libraries and their secret bookshelf doors……. so much to do, so much clutter in my mind because of the books piled everywhere….

An Evil Scheme

No, my house hasn’t been super clean lately due to our crazy schedule and cram-packed calendar.  And I wasn’t particularly caring about the pile of “stuff” on the dryer, the dust on the blinds in the family room nor the split in the side of the couch cushion.  THEN my sister called…. from Washington.  Seems there is this band of great guys from their church who have been touring for a couple of weeks and they are passing through Phoenix TODAY… and were in need of a place to stay.  “How many in this boy band?” I inquired.  Five.  Perfect.  Of course they can stay.  What?  Two nights?  Sure!  Bring on the band!

So I awoke today with a vision of cleanliness that did not match my current surroundings.  And why is it that you realize all the pillows in your house are stained or lumpy on the day company is coming?  When did EVERY bathroom towel get pulls and snags?  Needless to say, I did MANY loads of laundry today to be prepared for the band.  I sewed up the hole in the couch cushion.  I pulled out the hide-a-bed and vacuumed UNDER the couch.  I added a foamy mattress to the fold-out couch to make it appear to be comfier than it really is.  I even vacuumed the dog hair off the front of the couch where the dog rubs her head.  See?  Just like June Cleaver!  I just needed a pocketed apron with cherries on it.

A Walmart run was conducted… three dozen eggs, another gallon of milk, bagels, cream cheese, four lbs. of ground turkey, two loaves of french bread, etc. etc.  I cooked enough burritos to feed…. well, a band. (plus my family)  Then as we sat down to eat I got another call from my sister in Washington.  Seems there was some miscommunication between the band members…. they are staying somewhere else in Phoenix.

I’m tired and my back is sore. I had two extra kids today.  Another one of my kids barfed three times today. Another one of my kids laid in bed half the day holding her stomach.  So why in the world do I feel like inviting people over for a game night tonight???  BECAUSE THE HOUSE IS CLEAN!  That’s why.

Just you watch.  No unexpected visitors will drop by for at least a week!

I’ve Officially Hit PB&J Meltdown

That’s Piled Bits and Junk, not peanut butter and jelly.  Slowly but surely we’ve been bringing more stuff into this house than we’ve been taking out.  It eventually got to me and I started looking around at all the stuff… now I’m not one of those pack rats with piled newspapers from 1946 forward, shoe boxes of twist ties and every rinsed out can we’ve ever opened.  Nothing like that.  But toys are so overrated.  They were neatly stored in labeled plastic bins… but I finally clued in that no one has played with them in four blinkin’ years. 

My meltdown was quickly followed by a plan of action.  I gathered the boys, ages almost 10 and 12, into their rooms with garbage bags and empty packing boxes.  Nothing was safe.  I yanked every last Lego and Star Wars figure out of that closet and asked every single time, “Do you play with this?”  90% of the answers were no.  I didn’t even argue if they said yes.  I put the 10% back in the closet, still in their labeled plastic bins.  The garbage bags were filled with broken, missing part and written on toys for the dump.  Embarrassingly, two large bags emerged.  The still-could-be-played-with toys went into boxes for a garage sale. 

Where did it all come from?  That is the question.  I asked the boys periodically where they got certain toys.  Seems they came from gifts or other garage sales.  THERE IS THE PROBLEM!  Why in the world are we buying other people’s junk so we can bring it home to be our junk????  We don’t go garage saling very often, but still.  It just got crossed off my list of family-friendly activities.

And can I just say that my boys don’t need another Hot Wheel car for the rest of their lives?  They started in small plastic tubs…. and as they accumulated… they advanced several times until reaching the largest uner-bed plastic box that we own.  Good grief.  BUT, the mother with PB&J meltdown says, they do play with them regularly.  Don’t tell, but I did get rid of quite a few that had evidently had fender-benders or mishaps with a hammer and/or Sharpie pen.

Whew.  I feel better with the junk gone.  Now to hit the game closet, the craft closet, the linen closet and our closet before the BIG garage sale day when we sell our junk to other people so they can take it home and claim it as their junk.  :o)  This is recycling at its best.

Another FUN Saturday! Yippy!

I’m supposed to be cleaning my house.  We have a family of ten coming over tonight for dinner.  I’m drawn to things that don’t need to be done… and turn my head from those things calling me names.  Names like “Miss. Piggy” and “messy” and “bad housekeeper” and “disgraceful.”  That last one is ultra-applicable as my mother’s name is Grace and she’s a clean freak.  Sorry, Mom.

Why, oh why, did we choose horizontal dust-magnet blinds for every single blinkin’ window in this house?  It seems like they are always covered with a layer of fuzz… even the day after I clean them.  I need to market my phenomenal wonder of an idea…. flocked blinds.  They will be delivered to your door with a layer of decorative fuzziness already on them… and they’ll always look clean.  Can’t you just hear the sales pitch???  “And these flocked blinds NEVER need cleaning!”  It will be a QVC smashing hit.  I’m sure of it.

And baseboards.  It was a man who invented baseboards because he couldn’t cut straight lines in the sheet-rock to have it line up with the flooring…. creating yet another cleaning opportunity for the woman in his life.  Once upon a time, my baseboards were really and truly white.  Now they’re the color of almost chocolate milk… like when the Quick ran out too soon. 

The plethora of engaging items drawing my attention away from cleaning are unbelievable.  The weeds grew overnight.  They need to be pulled NOW.  I know our guests will already have assumptions about my housekeeping, but my yard could be my excuse if it is weeded.   But it’s 107 degrees and it’s not even noon.  Weeding will have to wait until wintertime.

The boys have built a blanket fort using 4 mattresses, Zaza’s purple canopy bed and all the sheets from the linen closet.  I asked them to put it all away before our guests arrive.  They looked at me like I had a third eye in the middle of my forehead.  “We built the fort to play in with THEM!”   Oh.  Well, I won’t have to vacuum that room.  Maybe I could throw the load of dirty sheets in there too… and eliminate one load of laundry.

Did I forget to mention that camp is in two days (Yes, I’m going to be “dorm staff” for screaming little girls for a week) and I just threw in load #1 of 8.  In my next house, I’m having a laundry room on the same floor as the bedrooms, behind a secret door with a big screen tv in there, plush carpet with triple padding so it will feel like I want to go in there.  I can play the movie Miss Potter all the time, and dance with one of my husband’s dirty shirts to “Shall I teach you how to dance.”

Maybe I simply need to get some matching pink cleaning supplies.  Then I’ll want to clean the house. 

One can dream.