From Wonder Mama to Blunder Mama

With the arrival of our Colombian princess’s second GOTCHA DAY next Sunday, memories of that time in our lives have been frequent, heart warming and still alarming in some cases.

November 25, 2010 the day we received Nora, is alive and well in my memory banks.  The morning began with my first Spanglish lesson of ordering breakfast from the kitchen in the hotel where we had arrived just seven short hours previously.  Translated from my lame Spanish back to lame English for your enjoyment….my order: “Eggs.  Milk.  Five people.  Juice.  Cooked bread.(toast)  Coffee.”  The kind person on the phone kept asking me questions and I had NO idea what they were saying.  I repeated my eight word order several times.  Surprisingly, we did get everything we asked for, plus hot cocoa, arepas, jam, honey and some fruit!

On our drive home from ICBF (Colombian social services), we were all jolted beyond belief in the traffic, on the steep hills and due to the driving style of our guide.  Thankfully we only had a 20 minute ride or we would have all been losing our breakfast.

Being the prepared official mother of four children, when Nora started looking woozy, I grabbed a gallon zip lock bag from my purse and she used it well.  Just a teeny bit of mama pride surfaced as I had anticipated the problem and solved it in the nick of time.  We also learned at that moment that she had been fed chocolate cake for breakfast.  LOTS of chocolate cake.

My mama pride dissolved into nothingness that same evening when we tucked Nora in for the night.  We all kissed her, Larisa brushed out her nine tiny braids before she was wrapped in her cozy new jammies and ready for beddy-bye.  My sweet husband has done the tucking-in for all of the kids’ lives.  He is such a thoughtful dad and spends time talking with them and listening to how their day went.  The kids love their Daddy time as much as I love my freedom time.  Rick went to put her in her bed in the second bedroom of our “apartment”.  I could hear him singing and talking to his new little daughter whom he couldn’t understand… nor could he speak a lick of Spanish.

About six or seven minutes into this familiar TO US ritual, I realized for the first time Nora was alone with this strange man whom she was to call Daddy.  The information we had about her past was sketchy, but it dawned on me that she could be terrified of my sweet, kind-hearted husband…. just because he is male.

As quickly as my little fingers could type into Google translate, I wrote the sentences “Your Papi loves you.  He will never hurt you.  He will always protect you and take care of you.  He is a very nice man.  He has never hurt anyone.  You don’t have to ever be scared of him.  He loves you.”  I unplugged the computer and rushed into the room where, as I suspected, she was clinging to the far edge of her bed with wide fearful eyes.  My heart broke… once more.  How stupid of us!  I read the sentences of love and assurance to her in Spanish and I visibly saw her relax and sink into the pillow with relief.

I went from Wonder Mama with the barf bag to Blunder Mama with the scary husband…. all in 11 hours!  I had a lot to learn…. and the learning curve was quite steep two years back.  Thank God for Google translate!

Gotcha Day is Fast Approaching!

Hard to believe!  November 25th we will have had our sweet Nora for a YEAR!  Twelve whole months!  I can’t believe how fast it has flown by…. on the other hand, it seems like she’s been here much longer than that.  She has fit into her forever family better than I could have ever hoped for.  All those scary “preparation” stories from our training never materialized at all.  God picked us to be her family from the beginning!  I have no doubts now.  She is doing so well… with everything!  I have to remind myself that she has only been speaking English for six months!  Amazing how God made youngsters’ brains to absorb languages so quickly.

Here we were sitting in ICBF only a half hour before Nora had a forever family.  So many emotions that day!

So, we know we are ordering Domino’s Pizza, because that’s where we ate in Cali, Colombia the very first night we had the Colombian princess.  Other than that….. I’m looking for ideas and suggestions.  What did you, fellow adoptive parents, do on your first Gotcha Day?  What do you keep doing every year?  Is it a BIG Colombian fiesta with salsa dancing until the wee hours? Or something a little more calm?  Please let me know…. I have a month to plan!

A Word Misspoken

In the kitchen amidst the pleasurable aroma of banana bread wafting from the hot oven, the Colombian princess and I were in the heat of a discussion regarding Colombian food.  Often, as the days go by, I ask questions about her foster home to find out more details about her life when we were praying earnestly for her, but had not met her yet.  She gleefully reported to me once again that her favorite foods were rice, beans and meat.  I needed details.  That couldn’t have been all that she ate…. or could it???  I asked about many other South American dishes that I am vaguely aware of…. nada.  Jokingly, I added that we need to take her back to Colombia so she could remember the foods of her homeland.  I thought it was sort of funny.  Flabbergastedly she yelled, “YOU’RE TAKING ME BACK????”   Oops.  No.  Never.

Another heated discussion followed about the words FOREVER… ALWAYS… OURS…. and I gingerly explained that we hope to go visit Colombia with her again, but we cannot and will not leave her there.  I reminded her of the picture of Papi signing the Sentencia papers that translated to: You will ALWAYS be a Crosby from now on.   With the horrible vision of the little Russian adoptee who was recently sent back to his birthland with a note pinned to his jacket, I vehemently stated, “We cannot give you back… and we don’t want to.”

Then I reminded her of the meeting we had at ICBF (Colombian Family Services.. kind of) with a man named Dennis.  After having Nora in our care for five days, he asked if we wanted to go forward with the adoption…. WE SAID YES!  I also reminded her that Dennis asked HER if she wanted to stay with us.  She said YES!  (Hopefully she hasn’t regretted that answer too many times in the last 10 1/2 months!)

Last night I was scrapbooking Nora’s “baby book” (Term used loosely… as it contains her earliest photos… but no baby is seen, sadly.) I tenderly glued in the pictures of that day at ICBF.  I realized that after being with us for five days, and LOVING trying on and wearing all the pretty clothes we brought for her, she carefully picked out her outfit for the ICBF meeting….. every single piece of clothing she put on, right down to her underwear was the clothing she came to us with.  She didn’t use a single article of clothing from her new collection.  Same sleeve-too-short sweater… same plastic white sandals… I wondered what was going through her mind as we drove to the meeting? Did someone tell her to do that in case we said no??? SOOOOOOOOO much for a little girl to ponder in her heart.

So glad she’s HOME!

I’m Finally Making a Colombia Scrapbook

Yes, we’ve been home with the Colombian princess for almost nine months…. next Thursday, it’ll be nine months.  I’m finally getting around to making a scrapbook of our trip.  I’ve spent much mental anguish on the Colombia scrapbook topic over the past six months. (The first three months home I just needed a nap.  That’s all.)  I know there are LOTS of photos.  I know there are LOTS of photos that I want to include.  I also know my scrapbooking speed is not what it used to be in the days of old when I got 65 pages completed on a weekend retreat.  I’ve weighed the digital vs. traditional issues too.

This morning my problems were solved when I opened my email and Snapfish had sent me a free digital hard-cover scrapbook.  Well, the first 20 pages are free.  I was all over it…. but the deadline is Sept. 21.  My husband and I are leaving on a jet plane in three days… and not coming home until the 22nd.  So today, instead of teaching my pupils (well I did have Nora do math… and the others are pretty self-motivated at the moment)…. (yes, those were guilt justifying comments)… I uploaded 296 photos and put them in a digital book.  BAM!  Done!  Well, almost.  I only did half of the journaling… and it’s too late in the day to write coherent sentences, much less remember the Spanish names of places and fruits.

Into my closet I went searching for my journal from our trip to South America.  One paragraph smacked me between the eyes and I want to share it with you.  For all those who have adopted, want to adopt, are trying to adopt and are thinking they might adopt…. here’s some cold, hard facts to think on:

“As I drove home the seven hours from the Colombian consulate in Beverly Hills, I had one of those God-moments where I realized that this whole adoption is not about me… or Rick and I… or even Nora.  It’s about God taking care of His children – about His children taking one step at a time, obeying the call on their lives – about God providing everything we need – far before we figured out what we needed.”

 

This was taken right after we landed in Bogotá!

That was so philosophical of me…. and rare… here’s the next page in the journal for your pure enjoyment.

(This was the night before we were leaving Cali to fly to Bogotá.) “As late as it was after packing, 12:30 a.m., I simply could not fall asleep.  The thought that Nora was leaving behind her life as she knows it – kept me awake.  One reassuring thought was that we LOVED Cali SO much – we will return someday.  I also wondered at 2:30, 3:15, 4:12 and from 4:35 on…. would Nora have motion sickness? Would the airplane terrify her?  Did we check under all the beds? And finally – I was awake at 5:00… “ready” for our adventure to Bogotá.”  No wonder I needed three months of naps!

Unbelievable… Inconceivable… WOW!

Last Wednesday, while I was minding my own business out on a wedding-flower-choosing adventure with my sister and a friend, my cell phone rang. The area code was 817.…. Texas. More specifically… Gladney Center for Adoption. I flipped open my phone (I know, old school) and jumped out of the parked car.
Yes, it was our case worker. Her first question, “Is Rick home?” made my guard go right up. I’m not getting my heart broken again by some darling little girl with a big toothy grin and black hair and pleading brown eyes. I will be WAY more cautious this time. I will not be swayed by darlingness. I will wait for the pediatrician’s report. I will not send her pictures to my family. I will not announce her name on Facebook. I will not frame her picture and bring it to Neighborhood Group. I will not get attached before we accept the referral … in writing… and I will wait until it’s faxed before I crack open my heart to my new daughter.

OK, that’s everything that went through my brain in the nanosecond that passed between our case worker’s question and my answer, “No, Rick is flying today.” Call me a chicken-hearted-lily-liver, but I’m trying to hold up a brave front guarding my tender-orphan-loving-soul.

Her first sentence had me extremely curious. “I don’t know how to start this phone call because I’ve never had to make a call like this before…..” I didn’t even respond…. just stood in the Glendale Thrift Store parking lot with my mouth hanging open. “We’ve hit a snag. Your file went back to Bogota but ICBF is asking you to reconsider Nora’s referral.” Still no response from me…. as my heart started quivering. “There is a new report available and we are wondering if you are open to us sending it to you. We are suggesting that you send it to a new international adoption pediatrician.” She read some of the report to me…. and finally my amazingly brilliant reply came out, “WOW!” Yep, that’s all I could manage at that moment.

NOOOOO! It’s the S A M E little black-haired cutey-patootie squeezing her way back into my heart.

If you are an adoptive mom, you understand that I was useless the rest of the day… totally distracted and staring into space… looking for some sky writing from God. My husband called right as I hung up with our case worker. I rattled off the whole scenario in 30 seconds and he asked what I told them. “I said, ‘Yes, send it.’”

Later that day he called and mentioned that there was a debate going on that evening at a local college that he would like to attend. I wasn’t too compassionate at that moment. I half yelled “NO! You need to come home and you need to bring food!” No, I hadn’t thought of dinner. I hadn’t thought of anything other than the strangeness of our circumstances. Do they normally ask parents declining a referral to reconsider? Do they send your file back to the national office and THEN ask you to reconsider, only to send it back to the same region again? And the inevitable question that we might not ever know the answer to, Why would this happen to us? To her?

So that is where I leave you, dear reader, in this Colombian adoption saga….……..

We Made the List!

Here is the latest and GREATEST list of children being adopted from ICBF in Colombia.  Notice anything???? YES!  That’s us!  The 5-6 year-old age group and the Feb. 2008 application date!  SO EXCITING!

               Children Age      Application Date
 
Child               0 – 1                 feb-07
Child               1 – 2                 feb-07
Child               2                      ene-06
Child               2 – 3                 oct-06
Child               3                      abr-06
Child               3 – 4                 oct-06
Child               4                      may-06
Child               4 – 5                 jul-06
Child               5                      feb-09
Child               5 – 6                 feb-08
Child               7                      jul-10

I thought I was handling the stress of this week jes’ fine…. but the tension in my shoulders is telling me otherwise.  I’ll post within nanoseconds of getting our referral!

14 Seconds of Important Information

Today was supposed to be the day I call our adoption case worker in Texas to find out what is happening with our adoption of our little Zaza.  At 9:00 am I instructed all three children to remind me at 11:00 to call Texas!  Bah!  I need to set the kitchen timer next time.  I called ten minutes late…. after frantically stopping my reading of Charlemagne and William the Conqueror, dropping the book and yelling, “What time is it?!” 

I got the Texan answering machine.  Shoot. 

Since the children were preoccupied making papier mache Medieval helmets and crowns in the backyard, I called the ortho for a consultation for Keeve.  The ortho receptionist is quite thorough in her appointment making procedures…. and while I was reciting every number, name and code word associated with our dental plan, my cell phone was ringing… and ringing… and yes, it was our case worker.  Shoot!  But the ortho consult is a go.

So again, while the children were coating their clothing, each other, the picnic table and one son’s black SLIPPERS (what in the world?) with floury/watery paste, I dialed the Texas number once more.  Nada.  I left message #2.

Working my way through my To-Do list, I put in another call for a class at our church.  While the kind lady was giving me ALL the information, my cell buzzed that there was a voice message.  I was beside myself with inquisitiveness, bailed on the kind church lady and told her we’d sign up online.  Click. 

Finally, NEWS.  Well, 14 seconds of adoption news that will affect our family for our entire lives….. (drum roll, please)… we have moved from #19 to #15 on the wait list.  Whooo HOoooo!  Progress!  What that means is: since Oct. 25th, ONLY FOUR kids from the 5-6 age group have gone home to their forever families!  ONLY FOUR!  Now before I totally hyperventilate and slam the keyboard keys right through the computer desk, we need to remember that the courts in Colombia close from Dec. 15 to Jan 15…. so it’s really four kids in two months time.  If ICBF stays at that rate (which is so unpredictable because of multiple variables…. but I digress) our name should hit the top of the list in seven months… AUGUST!  Oh, not that my timing or planning have anything AT ALL to do with this, but leaving Phoenix to pick up our Zaza for the month of August would be a dream come true! 

It’s time for me to break out the little tea party table and chair set that I have all primed to paint cutesy for Zaza’s room.  It has waited for months in the garage for news that we are #15.  Well, actually for any news….    Fifteen sounds so far away, but it means that 2010 is HER year!!!!  So excited.

ICBF Letter Translation

OK, I still do not have the formal translation, but I did get the gist of the letter.  For those who are wondering what in the world I’m talking about, we received a letter yesterday from ICBF ( Instituto Colombiano de Bienestar Familiar ) in Bogota.  All of the adoptions in Colombia go through them… so mucho importante. 

They said that they received the addendum to our homestudy from our adoption agency, Gladney, but they need to hear directly from us that we want an older child.  That’s all fine and good.  I wrote it last night.  We signed it and faxed it off.  It was sent to Bogota this morning.  Nothing like computers to speed up the process!

Here’s the highly amusing part.  We have requested a little girl between the ages of 3-6.  The letter said we are approved for two brothers with the eldest being up to 8 years old.  WHAT?  I laughed.  Hard.  We already have brothers.  Been there, done that.  No thank you on the second time around.  Rick’s biggest fear is that we accept a referral, get down there and spend weeks with our daughter and then they spring siblings on us.  Makes me laugh.  MOST of the time, it doesn’t work like that.  (But I’ve read stories where it has…. even a twin!)

So we should have this cleared up quickly (that being Colombian time….. ) and have our official number on the 5-6 year old wait list soon. 

Wooo hOoooooOOooooo!  I feel like it’s FINALLY getting closer.

Adoption Progress

Another Colombian darling.

For those who might wonder what’s going on with our adoption, I’ve put together a time line of our adoption process to this point.  People frequently ask us, “What’s happening with Zaza?”  And our answer is…. “we’re waiting.”  It’s not comforting to be reminded of how long it’s been, but it is reassuring to know people care and are praying… and with each day, we’re one day closer to Zaza being home.  Here’s the whole shabang:

Nov. 2006   Started looking at agencies

Feb. 12, 2007   Sent Application to Commonwealth

Jun. 14   Homestudy completed

May 9   I-600A Application sent

July   Psychological Testing and Report

Aug. 29   Received I-171H

Oct. 20   Dossier sent to Colombia

Feb. 7, 2008   Approved by ICBF in Colombia (Yippy!)

Jun. 14   Update USCIS fingerprints

Aug. 5   Commonwealth Adoptions Int’l Closed

Sep. 25   Signed with Gladney Center for Adoptions

Nov. 8   Update and Addendum to Homestudy 

The February approval started our official wait time.  We’ve heard the wait is between 4 and 30 months.  We just passed month 10.

 

The Addendum was done to fulfill updating requirements, but also to increase the age of the child we requested from 3-5 years (which means she’ll be between 36 and 60 months old when we get her) to 3-7 years (meaning 36 to 84 months.)  Somehow, two years ago when this all started, we didn’t take into consideration that our three children who are here would also be increasing in age….. duh!  So we increased the age, thinking this could possibly speed up the process as well.  However, we are confident that the Lord has Zaza picked out and she’ll be exactly who and what our family needs.