The Mother Sash

On facebook I read a post from a pious guy complaining about young mothers posting “ridiculously disgusting” news of children going potty for the first time,  doing their first doody in the potty and so on.  I almost commented that 30-something years ago, if facebook had been around, HIS mother would have been posting the SAME thing!  If you’ve never been a mother, you don’t get it.  At all.

There isn’t a sash with badges for mothers, but if there were, the MY KID WENT IN THE POTTY badge would be worn proudly and loudly in a prominent location on that sash.  It is a rite of passage.  And many other mothers would cheer loudly and proudly right along with the new badge toting mother, knowing what she went through to earn that iron-on emblem!

My eldest turns 20 in two weeks and I remember the day LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY when I would have earned my first of three “My kid went poopy in the potty” badges.  Not trying to embarrass my eldest, but children whose mothers have blogs are stronger for it!  My husband and I conversed on the appropriate bribe before we settled on the much sought after gummi bear.  We bought a jar with a sealing lid for the shelf above the toilet and filled it with gummy goodness.  We explained the rules, because all of life’s great advancements have rules.  1 poopy in the potty = 1 gummi bear.  Easy peasey.

My husband arrived home on the first gummi bear award winning day and the jar was already empty.  M-T!   Unbelievably, he accused me of eating the gummi bears.  I understood his accusation, as I had in the past eaten ALL the chocolate chip cookies in the cookie jar… and all the rice krispie squares in the pan.  (No, wait.  That was HIM!)  Motherhood is stressful at times.  However, I denied the accusation and explained the newly discovered talents of our little bomb-dropping angel.  She could do one little teeny eensy weensy doo-doo and then hop off the potty, “ALL DONE!”  She deserved every gummi bear she ate.  What skill!  What control!  Time for a new rule!

This is facebook worthy news that should be celebrated by at least half of humanity despite Mr. That’s-Disgusting’s opinion.

The other imaginary badge on my imaginary sash that I remember earning with pride was the “All my kids can barf in the toilet” badge.  THAT is an accomplishment!  It saves time, money, hassle, midnight sheet changes, etc. etc. etc.  In the early years of mothering, these tasks are paramount to parenting!  Nothing could make a young mom happier.  NOTHING!  And to be recognized for our accomplishments in bringing about these world changing events would have been awesome.  But no.

The moral of the story is: next time a young mom posts on facebook about a child’s success in the bathroom, congratulate HER with much fanfare.  It is her life.  It is her mission.  It is her mission accomplished at that juncture in life!

(I apologize if you can’t ever eat another gummi bear without thinking about my angel.)

Routine…. finally.

Nora, our little Colombian princess, is fitting in so well to our family, crazy as we are.  One of her English sentences is “_________ is funny!”  Fill in a family member’s name when appropriate!  We do laugh a lot and that’s a good thing.  Laughter is healing.  Everyone could use some healing.

We are somewhat into a routine these days, being our sixth week home from Colombia.  Nora is still sad on days when she discovers Daddy is gone to work, but thrilled to talk to him on the phone.  THAT is one funny conversation to listen to… Spanish on one end and English on the other.  I listen and laugh. 

One of our routines is morning bath time.  I shower first and as soon as I’m dressed I get the bathtub ready for Nora.  Depending on how hurried our morning is, she may or may not get bubble bath.  Her bath toys consist of “the pirates who don’t do anything” from VeggieTales and their ship.  She plays while I do my hair and make-up.  Today she was scrubbing the soap up and down her arms when she paused and told me that her brown arms were no good and my white arms are good.  I explained in lame Spanish that I love her brown arms and legs!  I told her they are beautiful and they are mommy’s favorite color.  If she only knew how much I’ve spent on fake tanning beds and rub-on tans!  It made me sad because I didn’t know if it is part of a phase that she is going through…. saying the opposite of what is true…. or the truth.  She isn’t a whole lot darker than her daddy…. I wonder what she would say about his arms?

I didn’t plan on starting Nora with schooling until her English improves (or shows up!)  But she is so eager to “do school” with the boys!  Under duress, I purchased a curriculum for her in the coloring book section at Walmart… on clearance for $3.97.  Imagine how thorough it is!  Now she sits at the kitchen table with us fills in her pages with numbers and letters.  I pray she is always this interested in learning!  It will serve her well!

Anyway, lately we have more days full of smiles than days stained with tears.

FREE Give-Away! It’s my Blog-a-versary!

Yes, My Sister’s Jar has been filling up the pages of the internet for three long years now.  Wow!  And for ONE of my faithful readers, including anyone new who happens to find MJS today, I’m giving away a copy of each of my books: Laughing in the Midst of Mothering and Laughing in the Midst of Marriage.  Both books are guaranteed to make you grin, if not/and/or loudly guffaw while holding your belly while tears stream from your eyes from the hilarity of the stories.  Really.  I’m not just saying it because I lived through them either.

Yes, you read that right… TWO FREE books!  Wow!  Generosity is seeping from my pores today. Here’s how it works.  Leave a comment with your name in the comment section below.  I painstakingly copy all the names onto paper, carefully cut them into strips, fold them so there’s no cheating, drop them into a light blue snowman bucket, and then….. drumroll please….. one of my darling children reaches in and picks out a name.  I broadcast the winning name on this blog in the comment section, as well as the next blog.  So you have to be okay with your name being broadcast. Well, you could use a fake name, and then simply notify me before I mail the books as to your truthful name.  I privately email you for your mailing address, which is NOT broadcast for all the world to see.  Free contest starts now and ends at Feb. 2, 2011 at 11:59 p.m. (Members of my family are not eligible, nor people from Guam or Madagascar…. just kidding….. not kidding about my family!)

Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart, for being faithful readers to this overworked homeschool mom/author.  It does my heart good each night as I check the blog stats and drift off to sleep with happy thoughts that I just might have made someone smile today with these words I type.  You guys ROCK!

Happy Three-Year Blog-a-versary!

And my sweet husband adds, “You can buy the books at www.cbd.com.”   I’m not a saleswoman… I’m a mom!

Two Player Bicycle

There is a bicycle-built-for-two at the home we’re vacationing in right now.  It had flat tires when we arrived, but when my boys discovered it they rectified that situation quickly… because they have never ridden such an inviting contraption.  They went on their first ride down a paved path that leads to the beach…. but the path stopped and the sand started more abruptly then they anticipated.  They were being followed by another 11-year-old who witnessed the initial adventure.  And an adventure it was.  There was a group of kids at the park/beach on a day camp trip who also witnessed the initial adventure.

After the bike hit the sand, it slowed considerably, but not quite slow enough to disembark safely.  My strong and brave sons went over a small hill and crashed, face first, into the sand.  Their following friend said he saw them disappear and then there was a large cloud of dust.  Keeve appeared over the hill first, raised his hand and yelled to the wide-eyed kids who witnessed the out-of-control bicycle-built-for-two crash, “We’re OK!”  I wish I could have seen the whole trip down the hill… and to video tape it would have even been better.

When they got home, they still had sand all over their faces and shirts and shorts and arms and legs, but were so full of hilarity as they told us the whole story of their trip and wipe-out on the “Two-Player Bike“… like it’s a Wii game for two players.  The bike is the biggest hit yet!  Who knew?!

Greetings from Bloomfield, NM

And THAT is why I haven’t posted this week… I’ve been gone… and busy.  I came to Bloomfield to speak at a Fashion Share put on by my friend Darla’s Mom’s church.  The day was a great success with ladies luncheoning on fabulous salads, rolls and cobblers, shopping for new-to-you clothes and listening to special music and speakers.  I was blessed to be included and loved meeting the ladies. FUN with a capital F.

This area is simply beautiful right now with the leaves changing to bright yellow and the air being crisp and clean.  I know it is nice at home in Phoenix too FINALLY, but not like THIS.  There was frost all over this morning.  Ah.  That’s it.  Just Ah.

The flight up here was highly entertaining as I sat next to Kenadee, the four year old who never stopped talking unless she was shoving peanuts in her mouth.  Thankfully she is darling and I enjoyed the interaction on the one hour flight.  (I may have had a different opinion on a much longer flight.) One morning here at her grandma’s house I was fixing some toast for her and her sister and she told me, “You’re just like a real mom!”  Wow!  I’ve made it!  A REAL mom. 

I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned that my mother just had knee replacement surgery 10 days ago. So we’ve also been busy helping up at her house cooking, replacing ice packs, pulling on support hose, etc. etc. etc.  Thankfully, my sister Christy flew in from Washington to help while I was here… and thankfully she’ll still be there for four days after I get home.  Sisters (who like each other) should not live three states apart. 

I look forward to getting home.  Two trips in three weeks was a bit much for me and our haphazard homeschooling this past month.  THAT is why we started two weeks earlier this year, so I wouldn’t feel guilty about leaving.  But it didn’t work.  We started two weeks earlier, but I still feel guilty about lame schooling.  It’s kind of like home schooling, only lamer.

D6 Conference!

It’s coming soon… September 23-25, 2009 in Frisco, Texas.  If you haven’t checked out the conference, you need to.  It’s going to be awesome:  www.d6conference.com.  D6 stands for Deuteronomy 6 where parents are instructed to diligently teach God’s commands to their children while they’re sitting, standing, walking, jogging, swimming, shopping, working, etc., etc., etc. (OK, side note:  We just watched the original The King and I video for the first time and now I will forever be reminded of the King of Siam saying, “Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.”)

Back to D6.  Here are just SOME of the speakers for the three day conference:  Jim Daly, Angela Thomas, Dave Ramsey, Mark Matlock, Darren Whithead, George Barna, Tim Hawkins, (ok, if he isn’t reason enough to go, please!!!) Renee Swope, John Trent,Rob Rienow, Kelly Rosati, Susan Sheppmann, and Linda Crosby.  WHAT?  Was that last name really on the list????  YES!  Amazingly, this whole shindig is put on by my publisher, Randall House, and they asked me to speak and are promoting my new book, Laughing in the Midst of Marriage, which comes out minutes before the conference.  I’m thrilled, to say the absolute least. 

I think I shared this preview cover before, but here it is again.  They made it so cute!  And yes, the turkey is burnt. 

Most parents want to be involved in the spiritual development of their kids’ lives. They just don’t know where to begin.  Here’s help!  COME to D6! 

Just had to share.  :o)  Excuse me now, I need to go pick up all of my buttons that are on the floor by my feet.

Bonus Points for Kid #3

My third child should write a book titled “How to Score BIG Points with your Mom.”  He has perfected this task as seen in the above photo.  Keeve was in the produce section at Walmart one day, and instead of making a necklace out of the twist-ties like usual, he happened upon the large, rotating, wire rack of recipe cards.  Keep in mind that he is ten years old…. and a boy.  To his delight, he found one for a Fruit Smoothie and removed it from the rack.  He carefully read the ingredients and looked in my grocery cart to verify that I had inadvertently gathered all the necessary items…. without telling me.  He’s so sneaky.  Strawberries… check.  Bananas… check.  Milk… check.  Yogurt… check.  Then he asked, “Mom, what is ar-ta-fish-ul sweetener?”  He’s so cute.

Since that fateful day at Wally World, Keeve has perfected every type of fruit smoothie imaginable.  And being that he gets excited and keeps adding fruitful goodness and ice cubes, the smoothie never fits in one tall glass.  There are always left-overs…. for mom.  Who else?  I think I’m his favorite person… right after the group Kutless.  (Goodness, the misssspelling drives me knuts.)

Every night after we pray together, I kiss each of the kids and whisper in all of their ears, “You’re my favorite.  Don’t tell the others.”  :^}  And they know full well that I do it to each one of their siblings, but it still brings a smile to their darling, freckled faces.

Crazy Things Kids Do

In honor of Mother’s Day, I thought I’d share some of the thoughts that fill my mental processing time.  Most mothers have pondered the same types of quandaries that I do, I’m sure of it!  Here are just a few questions that have run through my mind this week:

1.  Why does a kid, who can’t take the time to dry his hands after washing them, close the bread twist-tie with 16 turns?

2.  Do my children notice that there’s only 12 more squares of TP on the roll and only use 10 so they don’t have to change the roll?

3.  Why do kids, who cannot see when they’ve left things in disarray all over a room, notice minutely chopped onions in chili? 

4.  I was asked, “Why do we have to match our clothes anyway???”  I never did come up with a good answer for that one…. “because.”

5.  My personal favorite, when asked if my son has brushed his teeth, he replied, “Almost.”  What does that mean?

6.  Where does fashion sense come from?  My 10 year old son requested yellow skin-tight jeans.  Am I missing something here?

Oh, the wonders of being a mother multiplied by three.  It’s a fabulous life that I wouldn’t trade for all the rice in China.

Where’s Waldo?

Since everyone was so excited about playing “Where’s Vanessa McCallie” and she is now found, I thought I would provide a Where’s Waldo picture for you today … for your viewing pleasure and detective skills practice.  Here is a photo of the NE corner of our backyard.  (Yes, the oleander needs a pruning….)  What you are trying to locate is TWO of my sons in the picture.  No, they were not hiding from their homeschool teacher.  They were on the back wall with binoculars trying to see where a bunch of trucks were heading that just drove on the road behind the wall.  Behind our house is a canal and there is a place to drive along the top of it… and while homeschooling, 20-25 trucks went by.  This is highly unusual and not only set the dog in a panic, but the boys asked if they could go see what was up.  I suggested going upstairs and looking out the window.  But no!  Real explorers don’t do it the easy way… AND they use looking glasses and climb to higher places.

Recently I read Swallows and Amazons to the boys while we were studying ships and floating.  It is a lovely tale of a family of four children who talk their parents into letting them camp on an island in England by themselves while on summer holiday.  We all thoroughly enjoyed the story as it was filled with mystery, unusual vocabulary (ok, this interested me more than my sons), adventure, sailing and funny sayings.  There was a high place on the island for looking out and I’m sure this entered my daring sons’ minds this day behind the oleander bush.  I L-O-V-E reading good literature.

Good luck with Where’s Waldo. And there is no prize, just the internal satisfaction of locating missing children.

Mother’s Day Contest!!!! {free}

In honor of mothers on Mother’s Day 2009, I decided to share the love and give away one of my books Laughing in the Midst of Mothering: Finding Joy in Being a Mom.  (A quicker title choice would have been MOM – JOY!)  All you need to do to enter is put your name in the comment section of this blog.  I’ll put them all in a hat and draw one on Monday.  My panel of qualified homeschooling judges will verify the security of the ballots and the non-biased choice of the winning ticket.

Laughing in the Midst of Mothering is a devotional for moms of all ages (and dads have found it amusing as well) and a compilation of stories that have actually occurred in my home.  If you think your children are interesting, wait ’til you read about mine.  If you need to verify the contents of the book as truly joy-bringing you can check it out at:  www.LindaCrosby.com, www.cbd.com, www.amazon.com, etc., or wherever fine books are sold on the net.

Mother’s Day is nine days away so here’s the deal.  I need mailing time, so the deadline for this thrilling contest is Monday, May 4, 2009 at 9:00 pm, AZ time.  (I think we are on Pacific time at the moment…. we never move our clocks down here in AZ.  The rest of you confuse me on this deal.)

If your name is not chosen and you think this is still a fabulous Mother’s Day gift, order one for your mom, your friends, your aunties and your neighbors. It’s guaranteed to bring a smile to the most prune-ish face.  Again, www.LindaCrosby.com.  For a discount on mailing more than one book, please send me a note and I’ll hook you up.

Happy May Day!  And good luck!