One of my favorite book series is Anne of Green Gables. The summer we drove across Canada and camped on Prince Edward Island, Anne’s home, I read the series as we passed the Lake of Shining Waters and the White Way of Delight. Lucy MM’s writing is superb. The words that come out of Anne’s mouth are hysterical! She is so full of imagination and wonder at every little thing… and highly dramatic! So funny!
Several months ago, I started reading a shortened version of the book to Nora, our little adopted daughter. I wondered how it would affect her, hearing about Anne’s heartbreak at not having a family. The book glossed it over pretty well and got right into the daily events on Anne’s life at Green Gables. Yesterday, I found the movie online for Nora to watch. It is over two and a half hours long so it took three sittings to finish it all. Nora sat on the end of her chair the entire movie! It was priceless.
This tentative look on Anne’s face as she waits for Matthew at the train station…. it’s the same one I saw on Nora’s face the day we got her. “Will they like me?” “Am I okay?” “Will they keep me?” “Will I be safe?” “Everything changes today.” WOW!
The movie does not sugar coat the fact that no one wanted the red haired orphan in the beginning. Nora didn’t say much, other than looking at me with wondering eyes and asking, “They do keep her, right?” I watched most of the movie with her, but never looking through the eyes of an adopted child until yesterday. She must have related to so much of the story. It broke my heart when the two women in the very beginning call Anne “trash”… good heavens. I didn’t even remember that part.
I understood a bit more now about how Anne wanted to be called Cordelia, hoping for a different life than the one she had been given that lead her to the depths of despair. Marilla’s line was superb, “To despair is to turn your back on God.” So true!
We’ve had two nights of reassuring talks that Nora is ours forever. That God never left her without someone to take care of her. That we prayed for her for four years before she was part of our family. That God chose her for us and us for her. I don’t think we can ever say those words enough. Ever.
Tonight I went into Nora’s room to dry her hair (from swimming!) and put her to bed. This was obviously the first time she’s had her hair dried with a blow dryer. First she was scared of the noise, then she giggled and danced and spoke rapidly in Spanish the entire time I dried her hair. It was hilarious.
As I tucked her in, I explained in my supremely lame Spanish that tomorrow we are going to the zoo. She obviously didn’t understand the word ZOO because her eyes got BIG and she asked excitedly if we were going to the Estados Unidos tomorrow! (The United States) No, I unfortunately explained. It is seven more days until we go to Bogota and then seven MORE days until we go to the USA. That’s a long time when you’re 7 years old!
Rick asked me tonight if I have heard what Nora thinks about the United States. The only thing I’ve heard so far is that she thinks it is in another galaxy. Wow! We plan to ask Nora a bunch of questions and videotape her answers so we have it as a keepsake. We were going to do it today, but after last night’s rockin’ party, our naps interfered with our illustrious plans. Mañana!
Pumpkin time… also, sadly, Christmas decoration selling time in the stores!!??!! It always surprises me EVERY year! We have three more months until Jesus’ birthday. Enjoy the Fall and Thanksgiving already.
On the adoption news front, I found out on Sept. 30th that we did have a referral in the end of July, but the child did not match our family file. So we are still sitting at the top of the family pile waiting for our little girl to be available for us to go and love on. It seems a November travel itinerary is still in the works. Good news. Wait wait and wait some more.
On the Mama-needs-a-distraction-from-waiting front, I have been reading a book titled Charting the Unknown: Family, Fear, and One Long Boat Ride by Kim Petersen. Kim and her hockey-playing husband went to university with me and my hockey-playing husband. Her prose is picture perfect. Her colorful descriptions and parallel existence in her head are amusing and informative. It’s a story worth reading because it deals with fear. We all deal with fear, but we deal with different tactics. After the death of their baby girl, Kim started dealing with fear head-on. It’s inspiring to read about someone who has been there, dove in deep, and came out alive.
I have read some of the story aloud to my husband, as we have laughed and laughed at the antics of his old teammate, Mike. He was a jokester in college and obviously still is. Some things never change. We also had several flashbacks to university including the Sunday meal of roast beef, mashed potatoes and yorkshire pudding in the cafeteria. The yummy memory made us both grin and smell the gravy 20 years later.
College life was sweet in so many naive ways. If we knew then what we know now…. life would have been different. But that’s the ol’ 20/20 hindsight deal again. Kim’s book and her and Mike’s list of dreams from college made us take a fresh look at our dreams and goals. Have we settled? Have the dreams died? No and no. We will live out one of our pre-marital dreams in November when we go get our daughter in Colombia.
Do you have a dream or wish list from years ago? Do you know where it is? Have you reviewed it in a while? Go find it. It’s not too late.
Today was day #60….. the last day of the window of time when we were supposed to get our referral call for our adoption of our little princess from Colombia. Did we get a call? No. Did we get any indication of any adoption news? No. Disappointing? Yes.
Then I started recollecting the situations surrounding all of my other pregnancies. Yes, this is a pregnancy of the heart, not the womb, but it is ever so real and genuine…. bringing forth a child to our home… forever. Both of my first two children were,….. um, ……tardy in their arrivals. I was induced with each of them on the TENTH day after the due date. Yes, ten days late. They weren’t even trying to come out yet. At all. Kid #3 was only five days later than the due date, but also induced, so we don’t actually know how long he would have stayed inside either.
So this child is proving to be a true Crosby….. tardy, but worth waiting for. I must admit though, that 3 years 10 months and 4 days is EVER so much longer than we had originally thought or planned on. If patience is a virtue, I’m a virtuous woman.
Yes, I called our case worker several times today hoping for a thread of information. I did leave a message, and I’ll begin my calls again tomorrow morning. They do find out families have been matched with a child two weeks prior to the referral call….. so they should know SOMETHING!
Austin has been the focus of several blogs lately, but I feel obligated as a mother who teaches fairness and non-favoritism, to mention my three other children. And for the record, when I kiss each one of them “Good night” I whisper in each one’s ear, “You’re my favorite, don’t tell the others.” It’s a ritual of motherly love… that they are all well aware of… but each one secretly believes it’s true!
Larisa is my mini-me, except the blonde, blue-eyed version. People say she looks like me, but the only resemblance I see is our teeth. She is 16 and has spent all but two years of her life in my 24/7 care. She went to kindergarten and first grade, but we have homeschooled her all the way to her junior year of high school. And we still love each other. Amazing! Spending so much time with your mother makes you more mature than the other 16-year-old girls who spend 50+ hours per week with their giggly, boy-crazy friends. It’s a proven fact of life. She is a joy to be around!
Currently, Larisa is knee-deep in Chemistry and loathes it, unfortunately. She is taking other classes too, but Chemistry is her ball and chain this year. She’s not a math lover, to say the least. I’ve been teaching her Algebra… and math was my favorite subject in high school. It’s so logical. It’s right or it’s wrong. There’s no predicate nominatives or split infinitives to mess with your mind! However, teaching Larisa Algebra has almost made me not like math anymore. But we will be victorious.
Keeve is my huggable, thoughtful, slow-paced child and our musician. Currently he is taking piano lessons for the third year and is playing the trombone in the elementary school band. That is the only class he has ever taken at a school. He was 11 the first time he darkened the doorway of a public schooling establishment. He’s there for 45 minutes, twice a week, and he’s handling all the peer pressure quite well. Keeve is also the only Crosby child to sport braces so far. He’s bearing that burden like a champion! The change in his teeth and jaw shape in a mere four months is nothing less than amazing! Keeve is also my baby boy. He’s the one who will be the most displaced when our Colombian princess gets home to stay. We’ve had many a talk with Keeve about this and he’s OK with the whole deal. He prays faithfully for his little sister each night for her to have a bed to sleep in and someone to love her and feed her. It’s precious.
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We have only four more days in our wait for our referral call for our little girl from Cali. Please see my adoption blog for stress-related information: www.ZazasMama.wordpress.com. Here is the extent of what we know about our daughter at this point: she lives in the Cauca Valley, in Colombia. She is 5 or 6 years old. She is an orphan. She speaks Spanish. That’s it. Here are my educated guesses about her at this point: she has black hair, olive skin and brown eyes. She is tiny for her age. That’s it. Here are my hopes about her at this point: that she still has all her baby teeth. She has dimples. She loves to giggle and snuggle. Someone has lovingly told her about the love of Jesus. She likes to sing and dance and play with dollies.
TOMORROW I could have all the answers to my questions about my girl! The suspense is killing me!
We have been asked many times why we are leaving our fair country to adopt in a foreign land. “There are so many kids in the foster system that need homes!” We’ve heard all the reasons…. and they are valid. Our answer is, “We are doing what we are called to do.” If the Lord guided us toward an adoption here, then that is what we would do. But He did not, so we’re not. There are also other reasons that we grappled with during our initial adoption inquiries.
Before we chose an agency or a country, I spoke to any adoptive parent that would stand still long enough for me to ask questions. One such parent was a mom from our daughter’s volleyball team. She had a young son and daughter whom they adopted…. I thought from Russia. I’m not sure what made me think Russia? They did look a bit Russian… brown hair, white skin…. that’s it. I called her to ask her some questions about their international adoption of Russian kids. She paused and said, “Uh…. our kids are from the Arizona foster system.” Oh. OK. (Now where do I go??) She asked if I would mind sharing why we would look outside AZ for a child who needed a home. We knew each other fairly well and so I spoke my concerns openly… “We are concerned about the psychological difficulties with kids from this system and we don’t want weird relatives showing up at our door.” Some may say I’m narrow-minded, but hey, we all have our hang-ups. Those were mine. Her answer not only surprised me, but confirmed our international selection. She responded, “Oh, well, we’ve had both of those things happen in the first year alone,” and she went on to explain it all to me.
Funny thing is, last night I found myself on the other side of the weird relative equation. On facebook we found a niece of ours who had an adoption plan made for her shortly after she was born. She is now 19 or 20. She is beautiful…. and looks just like one of her aunties. My husband and I talked about whether I should contact her or not. We decided a quick one-liner intro and request to be a friend would be appropriate. She is “friends” with her bio-mom, sister, aunt and uncle…. all from our family. So I figured, what’s one more weird relative?? When I went to her page this morning, I discovered that she is getting married in four days. She is busy and in love and doesn’t need another weird relative this week. I’ll wait a month or two.
This was interesting news for me, bringing mixed emotions to the surface. I was thinking (read: hoping and praying) that we would be about #7 by now, so it is sad news in a way. But good news in that we have more time to finish raising our adoption funds and more time to improve my Spanish! I was second guessing our two-week trip to Lake Tahoe which commences next week, wondering if we should be using vacation days so close to when we could travel. But now, it looks like we won’t travel until Fall. Which is good and bad. Bad for Larisa signing up for classes in the Fall, but good because OUR GIRL WILL BE HOME!
I just had a flashback to when we were number 185! THAT was a long time ago! We’ve come a long way, baby.
That’s all for now…. going to go upstairs and finish sewing Zaza’s dolly’s outfit #4. :o)
My life seems to be on the replay cycle right now. I was reading back to last year’s posts at this time…. I certainly don’t need to write about my events of Thanksgiving week this year… they are EXACTLY the same as last year: Larisa’s play, Stove Top Stuffing, and three or four hockey games for Austin. Please see 2008 posts if you’re wanting photo proof of what will transpire in my life this week.
I also listened to Third Day’s song Merry Christmas about the orphan child who is not home for Christmas… and I cried…. again. (For a good cry go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcPBA9-wyZE&feature=related ) I just don’t understand why we have to wait so long. Or why Zaza has to wait so long for us to come and get her. Distinctly I remember folding the damp dish towel after drying the Thanksgiving dishes and telling my mom and sister-in-law, Julie, that we were going to adopt. That was 200SIX! Three long years later, I never thought Zaza’s buttery yellow room and her curvy purple bed would still be vacant. I realize that God’s timing is perfect and mine is not. But it doesn’t bring me joy.
So, when the adoptive parent blues hit hard, I go to Bookman’s, my favorite used book store, and find adoption stories where moms and dads actually get to take home their child in the end of the book. It makes me believe again. There are happy endings. Other mothers waited years and years and eventually hugged and kissed the child of their heart. So last week I found and read this book:
I had half the book read before bedtime and finished the next morning. I bonded with the author instantly as I read her prose. She writes like I do… in incomplete sentences that drive English teachers CRAZY! She used picture words to describe each and every one of the five senses from bitter tea to soft skin, hazy lighting and a hairy hand. Her word choice inspired me to run to the computer and write, write, write. She also had several funny, real-life experiences that Rick and I have actually had… like weighing our heads on the bathroom scale. Wierd, I know. But it made me feel less wierd, knowing someone else had done it too. And her adoption story is very real. I wanted to kick in some Russian teeth because of how she was treated. I also longed to hold my little girl when she finally got to hold her little boy. Needless to say, it was a good read with the happy ending I needed to push me through another month or two… or ten, God forbid.
Did you know that this coming Sunday is Orphan Sunday? Did you know that there are 143,000,000 orphans in the world? How big of a number is 143 million? Here, have a look:
It astonished me.
God’s heart is turned to the orphan and so are the hearts of many other men and women doing what they can to help a child… one child at a time. It doesn’t seem like much… 1 out of 143,000,000, but it is everything to THAT child.
There is a live concert broadcast this Sunday, Nov. 8th, 2009 from 4:00 pm to 6:00 pm CST including Steven Curtis Chapman, Geoff Moore, Jim Daly, Dennis Rainey and an African Children’s choir. You can find out about it here: www.cryoftheorphan.org.
Please join me in participating in Orphan Sunday and watch the broadcast. Or better yet, there are events all across our nation that are posted on the site as well. Then please do your part to help the orphans of the world.
School is underway and I am treading water with my head just sticking out of the water. It’s hard to keep my mind from wandering off to Colombia and a sweet, little black-haired girl that is waiting for us to come and get her. I keep thinking, Spelling and grammar are important but if the referral call comes, spelling and grammar are history, baby! At least for a little while. I made the most strictly structured schedule that has ever been in existence at L.A.K.E. Academy (our homeschool.) L-arisa, A-ustin, K-eeve, and E……. (Wouldn’t it be just like God to have Zaza’s name start with an E!?! ) The schedule is the only thing keeping school on track. The boys check it regularly throughout the day and keep us on course.
We were supposed to have adoption news last week. It didn’t materialize. The next scheduled news about our case should be available next week… Sept. 10th, so we’re told. Is it too much, after almost three years of waiting, to ask that our little girl is home before Christmas???? I had a hard time last year putting the kids’ birth ornaments on the tree without Zaza’s in the mix. Another year with three stockings when we know there should be four. Another year without Barbies under the tree. {sigh}
I have this underlying anxiety currently. I’m not sure what it means or where it comes from. I hope it’s my maternal instincts kicking in to prepare for a new child. We’ve cleaned, painted, scrubbed and wiped pretty much everything now. If the call came tomorrow, I’m ready. I try not to dwell on the time that we have been on the adoptive parent wait list in Bogota (19 months), but it does come to mind on nights like tonight. The house is quiet. There probably are three million things I could be doing, but I can’t concentrate on any one thing. It’s like something or someone is missing…. because she is.
Welcome to My Sister's Jar. The story behind the blog lies in the original post on Feb. 2, 2008. Type "giddy moments" into the search box to find it.
I'm a homeschool mom who loves to speak and write, encouraging moms to press-on in motherhood. Two of my books are available NOW! Laughing in the Midst of Mothering and Laughing in the Midst of Marriage. See them at www.LindaCrosby.com or www.cbd.com.
I have four children, one of whom is adopted from Colombia, so there are LOTS of adoption tidbits here.
~~~~~~ Linda Ann Crosby
My Sister's Jar 