While I’m Waiting

I believe I’ve mentioned before here on MSJ that I’m not real fond of waiting.  But here we go again.  Adoption is a true test of trust because you have absolutely no control AT ALL as to when things happen.  I’m sure God looks down at me and laughs saying, “Look!  She’s counting on the calendar again…. like she knows when things are going to happen! HAHAHAHA!”  In a loving way, of course. 

I phoned my husband today to tell him the latest news of what happens to our adoption file now.  I went through the steps and gave him my expected dates of travel AGAIN.  He laughed and responded, “You have never been right yet with your dates!”  It’s true, but I’m a planner!  Planners plan.  Hence, the name.

Here’s my theme song AGAIN:

I’ll serve you while I’m waiting.

I’ll worship while I’m waiting.

I’m waiting on YOU Lord.

72 Hours of Joy

Yesterday was quite possibly the saddest day of my life.  After receiving the referral of a little darling girl on Friday we were all in LALA Land and giddy with the anticipation of our little girl coming home next month.  My husband and I went out and bought a few more items to take with us to Colombia, and a few to send ahead: coloring books, disposable cameras, size 6 rainbow undies and a cheap plastic photo album.

Months ago I painstakingly made of list of possible International Adoption Pediatricians who could review the medical history of our referral.  I mean really,….. how do you pick someone on the other side of the country, whom you’ve never met and will most likely never meet, to give you some of the most important information that you’ll ever receive in your whole life?  Well, as a good Type A student, I made a list.  I always make lists.  For this adoption I’ve made lists of things to do, things to buy, psychologists, social workers, immunizations, clothes to pack…. so quite naturally… Int’l Adoption Pediatricians.  I emailed 8 or 9 of them and scrutinized their responses.  I had the list narrowed to two, but was highly in favor of one doctor who had four internationally adopted kids himself.  He’s been there, done that.  That tidbit resonated with my soul.

Before I made my decision, I emailed a local friend who has three children by adoption and asked her who she used.  Miraculously, out of all 627 possible specialists in the USA, she named the same doctor who topped my list.  She paid the man the highest praise for the work he did for their family.  So I was good with that. 

Fast forward to this past Sunday, when I sent him the files we had received with our referral.  After reading the 40 pages with our untrained, naive and somewhat rose-colored-glasses-covered eyes, we questioned the money needed to have the files reviewed.  But I read the email a second time that came from our case worker, suggesting that we have the medical info reviewed…. and I sent off the wad of money and the files. 

Yesterday was Monday and Rick was off of work, thank God!  The doctor called us back around 11:00 am and proceeded to give us the worse possible news that we absolutely did not want to hear.  He had not seen a child more needy than this one in all of his ten years reviewing files.  Several times he apologized for being the bearer of bad news, but remarked that there was no cheery way of looking at this.  It all boiled down to two comments that he made, that I scribbled down on my very worn out adoption notebook.  Our number one priority is the preservation of our family.  Secondly, the odds are overwhelmingly against us for success with this child.  Heartbreaking news.

As the 45 minute phone call wore on, I became increasingly quiet and my husband finished all the responding for us.  Tear stains dotted my lavender t-shirt and I sat in my green birthday chair in our bedroom wondering, Why in the world did we get matched with this poor little child?  We certainly couldn’t harm the relationships that we’ve built over the last 17 years with our three children.  We couldn’t put them at risk.  We couldn’t wreck our family by trying to save this little girl, whose chances of being saved were slim to none.  After prayer and discussion and tears, we declined the referral.

My thrify-minded husband said, “That phone call was worth every penny we paid that man!”  And it was. 

I suppose we’ll never know, this side of heaven, why that darling little girl with black hair was ours for 72 hours.  But she was and we loved her whole heartily.  We pray she will be placed in a home with the resources to aid her healing and steer her through adolescent and the teen years.

We are still at the top of the list and a new referral should come in 3-4 weeks.  I don’t know how much more of this I can take!

Today was the DAY!

Yes, we got our referral call today!  Her name is darling and she is beyond beautiful!  And that’s not a biased opinion either.  :o)

So here was my ideal “get-the-referral-call” scenario that I hoped would  happen on THE day:  Gladney would call and tell us that we have a daughter.  We would gather the family around the computer sitting at the kitchen table looking freshly combed and well dressed and pressed. (Facing the sliding glass door, so the lighting would be good.)  The email would come and we would open it… slowly scrolling until we could see our girl.  We would oooh and ahhhh as we saw our darling new girl.. and we would video tape the whole deal so Nora would know the joy on our faces the minute we saw her.

Here’s how it really went down:  We all slept in and were eating a casual breakfast in our pajamas with major bed-head (except Rick, who was leaving shortly for work).  I finished eating first, around 9:00 am and went to the computer to open my email.  Immediately I saw an email from Gladney that said, “CALL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  So I jumped up and found my cell phone.  Yes, it was our referral call.  Our case worker said she had been waiting for two hours for us to call.  (We are two hours behind them.)  Someone ran upstairs to wake up Austin.  Then we gathered around the computer at the computer desk, so no one could see our faces, or hair, or pajamas… and we opened the email with her picture  and oooohed and ahhhhhed… without any video footage. 

All I have to say is that her situation is exactly what I have prayed for diligently for four years.  God answered this mother’s prayers!  She just turned seven and looks remarkably like my husband.  I can’t wait to post pictures, but that will be quite a few days from now when our acceptance letter arrives in Colombia.

Whooooooooo Hooooooooooo!

Road Trip Trivia

So in the past four days, we drove 24 hours… including stops.  It was all well worth it and we needed a break from the reality of sitting in our cozy house waiting for the phone to ring… giving us the information that will change our lives forever.  No, not Ed McMahon calling…. our adoption referral call.  Yes, I’ve mentioned it in every blog for the past month because I’M OBSESSED! 

Back to the road trip.  No Crosby family trip would be complete without original sayings that get repeated for all eternity and instantly take us back to the trip where the saying was first quoted.  This trip’s quote is a passionate, “WOW!”  It was voiced by both my husband and I simultaneously after a pause that followed a Snapple Trivia Fact from the inside of a cap of juice.  Larisa read it from the back of the van, “Everyone ready for a Snapple Trivia Fact?”  Silence commenced preparing our hearts for a truth from a juice cap.  “A three-day-old Caribou can outrun its mother.”  A quiet space was followed by dual “WOW’s!” from both of the front seat passengers.  Think about it… at three days…. it can run faster than its mama!  Wow!

Then we played Name That Tune, which is normally undertaken with humming, but humming is too quiet to effectively play Name That Tune in a running vehicle.  So we sing… without words.  There were some clever songs sung with no words.  There were some stupid songs sung with no words.  There were also some unknown songs sung with no words.  After about three Michael Jackson songs sung with no words, Larisa leaned over the back seat of the van and rummaged through her suitcase until she presented the new MJ cd This Is It!  So Name That Tune was ended by two go-arounds with MJ singing his little heart out.  Larisa commented during the second run-through that it’s ironic that MJ was singing the song This Is It…. and it was.  He never got to perform for an audience.  I added the fact that he also sang the words, “I’m the light of the world” in that song.  Those words should be reserved for the true light of the world, Jesus.  Yes, ironic.  Wow!

Pregnancy Realization

Today was day #60….. the last day of the window of time when we were supposed to get our referral call for our adoption of our little princess from Colombia.  Did we get a call?  No.  Did we get any indication of any adoption news?  No.  Disappointing?  Yes.

Then I started recollecting the situations surrounding all of my other pregnancies.  Yes, this is a pregnancy of the heart, not the womb, but it is ever so real and genuine…. bringing forth a child to our home… forever.  Both of my first two children were,….. um, ……tardy in their arrivals.  I was induced with each of them on the TENTH day after the due date.  Yes, ten days late.  They weren’t even trying to come out yet.  At all.  Kid #3 was only five days later than the due date, but also induced, so we don’t actually know how long he would have stayed inside either.

So this child is proving to be a true Crosby….. tardy, but worth waiting for.  I must admit though, that 3 years 10 months and 4 days is EVER so much longer than we had originally thought or planned on.  If patience is a virtue, I’m a virtuous woman.

Yes, I called our case worker several times today hoping for a thread of information.  I did leave a message, and I’ll begin my calls again tomorrow morning.  They do find out families have been matched with a child two weeks prior to the referral call….. so they should know SOMETHING!

I’ll keep you posted.

I Do Have Other Kids

Austin has been the focus of several blogs lately, but I feel obligated as a mother who teaches fairness and non-favoritism, to mention my three other children.  And for the record, when I kiss each one of them “Good night” I whisper in each one’s ear, “You’re my favorite, don’t tell the others.”  It’s a ritual of motherly love… that they are all well aware of… but each one secretly believes it’s true!

Larisa is my mini-me, except the blonde, blue-eyed version.  People say she looks like me, but the only resemblance I see is our teeth.  She is 16 and has spent all but two years of her life in my 24/7 care.  She went to kindergarten and first grade, but we have homeschooled her all the way to her junior year of high school.  And we still love each other.  Amazing!  Spending so much time with your mother makes you more mature than the other 16-year-old girls who spend 50+ hours per week with their giggly, boy-crazy friends.  It’s a proven fact of life.  She is a joy to be around!

Currently, Larisa is knee-deep in Chemistry and loathes it, unfortunately.  She is taking other classes too, but Chemistry is her ball and chain this year.  She’s not a math lover, to say the least.  I’ve been teaching her Algebra… and math was my favorite subject in high school.  It’s so logical.  It’s right or it’s wrong.  There’s no predicate nominatives or split infinitives to mess with your mind!  However, teaching Larisa Algebra has almost made me not like math anymore.  But we will be victorious.

Keeve is my huggable, thoughtful, slow-paced child and our musician.  Currently he is taking piano lessons for the third year and is playing the trombone in the elementary school band.  That is the only class he has ever taken at a school.  He was 11 the first time he darkened the doorway of a public schooling establishment.  He’s there for 45 minutes, twice a week, and he’s handling all the peer pressure quite well.  Keeve is also the only Crosby child to sport braces so far.  He’s bearing that burden like a champion!  The change in his teeth and jaw shape in a mere four months is nothing less than amazing!  Keeve is also my baby boy.  He’s the one who will be the most displaced when our Colombian princess gets home to stay.  We’ve had many a talk with Keeve about this and he’s OK with the whole deal.  He prays faithfully for his little sister each night for her to have a bed to sleep in and someone to love her and feed her.  It’s precious.

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We have only four more days in our wait for our referral call for our little girl from Cali.  Please see my adoption blog for stress-related information:  www.ZazasMama.wordpress.com.  Here is the extent of what we know about our daughter at this point:  she lives in the Cauca Valley, in Colombia.  She is 5 or 6 years old.  She is an orphan.  She speaks Spanish.  That’s it.  Here are my educated guesses about her at this point:  she has black hair, olive skin and brown eyes.  She is tiny for her age.  That’s it.  Here are my hopes about her at this point:  that she still has all her baby teeth.  She has dimples.  She loves to giggle and snuggle.  Someone has lovingly told her about the love of Jesus. She likes to sing and dance and play with dollies.

TOMORROW I could have all the answers to my questions about my girl!  The suspense is killing me!

Weekend Report

Whilst I was away scrapbooking amidst the pine trees, my family and our home-group from CCV had a garage sale to help raise funds for our adoption.  They are SOOOO awesome!  I did sell some of the bigger items on Craigslist too… and there are four or five more things to sell, but we made over $1,200 so far!  My teenage daughter and I pulled out all the like-new designer kids clothing from the piles and piles that were donated and plan to consign them next week.  That should be another couple hundred dollars.  Whoooo HOooooo!

The best story from the entire weekend was from Saturday morning at the garage sale.  For those who don’t know, we live in Phoenix, AZ…. home to MANY illegal aliens…. who ALL shop at garage sales.  AZ is also the home to the infamous SB1070 bill that enables officers of the law to ask for identification from anyone they pull over, who happens to look like they could be an illegal alien.  (I would love it if Obama came to AZ and got pulled over and asked for proof of citizenship…. but I digress.)

Anyway, there is a man in our home-group who is a policeman who works nights.  He arrived home from his beat and dropped by the garage sale to see his wife and offer his support to our family.  Well, his presence in his uniform didn’t go over so well with the shoppers.  In fact, many dropped piles of chosen articles where they stood, slouched to their vehicles in the cul-de-sac and escaped without showing proof of citizenship.  When everyone figured out what was going on, Mr. Policeman’s wife sent him home to change his clothes… and to stop hampering business.  As soon as he left the cul-de-sac, six cars came right in and the shoppers resumed shopping.  It was hilarious!

Blog-cation

That’s when I take a vacation from blogging.  But do not fear, it will only be for three days.  Yes, I get to escape the rigmarole of a homeschool mom and venture up to high country where the air is cool… for a SCRAPBOOKING retreat!  Itsda BEEEEST!  (That’s from Nacho Libre, in case you haven’t seen it yet.) 

I was apprehensive about going because I don’t get cell reception where we stay… and this IS September… the month we are getting our adoption referral call.  But I was informed a week ago that we had not been matched at that point, so the call will be after the 16th.  Relief!  I can scrap worry-free! (Relatively speaking.)

These retreats come twice a year, and with my current lifestyle and schedule, it is the only scrapping I get done any more.  So, I knew I would want a lovely scrapbook of Colombia to share with everyone, but we obviously don’t have the pictures yet.  That’s ok.  I’m putting together all the pages now and then I can slap the pictures in when we return. Muy bueno!

Upon dragging out my supplies and tools (and dusting them off) I realized I still have not finished out scrapbook of our 2007 trip back East.  There are only 3 or 4 more double page spreads and I’m done.  So that is going too. 

Enjoy the weekend!  I know I will.

A Windfall of Thoughts

The email last week announcing our forthcoming adoption referral has sent me into a tizzy of excitement. It is a rare night when I’m not asleep within nano-seconds of my head resting on the pillow…. but now I lie there in the dark with questions running amuck in my mind. I got out of bed last night at midnight and sent an email full of questions to our case worker. It’s nice, because they are two hours ahead of us, so I awake to answers!

In two weeks, one of my college roommates (and bridesmaid) is coming for a five-day visit with her hubby and three kids all the way from Manitoba. We have not seen them since their wedding day…. it must be about 21 years ago now. We are bosom friends and a fabulous time will be had by all. But I looked around my very lived-in and loved house and thought to myself, “These walls were white just five years ago!” So, with that bit of inspiration, and company coming, decorating and redecorating has commenced.

Our family room is not large and we have had a very large oak computer desk in there for the same five years when my white walls changed colors. A friend came up with the brilliant idea to cut the back off. Duh! Why didn’t we think of that five years ago? So, with skill saw in hand, my husband cut 15 inches off the back of the desk and added over a foot to our living space. YAY! (Really, I know it sounds ghetto, but even Larisa thought it turned out great!)

Then I noticed these dated lamps and too many end tables, and too many chairs…. and a garage sale was born, organized, conducted and finished in two days. $280 raised for paint and valance fabric! Yes! I’ve decided to break out of the white all mode and ….. brace yourself…. pale lime green will go up on these walls on Wednesday. I hope I don’t regret the bold move.  Of course, pictures will follow.

And Keeve, …. Keeve, Keeve, Keeve.  My 11-year-old son has been living in Zaza’s yellow room with a purple bed and lime green accents for over two years.  There are bunk beds in the boy’s room, but he gravitates to solitude.  So, today is the day!  He is moving out for good!  I have little wooden butterflies, dragonflies, flowers, bird houses and the smiling sunshine to hang up around the border of the room.  There are shelves to hang and the hand painted tea-table and chairs to move in there.  The antique gold trim on the dresser needs to be painted purple.  The legos and foam swords need to BE GONE!  I have two weeks until company comes, and then school starts the next week.  Then our referral comes… then we travel to Colombia.  So today is the day!  Wish me luck!

November 3rd has Come and Gone {sigh}

If you have followed our eternal adoption saga, you know that I’m a tad sad today.  November 3rd is the last day of the year 2009 that a referral call can be received from Bogota… and your child can be home by Christmas.  Our call did not come today.  This will be Christmas #3 without our baby girl looking wide-eyed at her first glistening Christmas tree, or having a family to gather with and sing carols in a strange language, or making Sugar cookies in the shapes of stars, candy canes and snowmen with sprinkles.  I don’t know if I can stand to put the baby ornaments on the tree this year.

When I think of the life Zaza is most likely living right now… down in Colombia… it makes my heart sad.  We pray for her every single day to be cared for, warm, fed and loved.  I know it will be the shock of her life to leave all that is familiar to her… food, weather, friends, home, caretakers, clothes, smells, Spanish, songs and games.  I’m glad that we stay in Colombia for a month to get used to each other in her surroundings.  But I honestly cannot wait to shower her in love and kisses.  To bring her to her own home and show Zaza her darling yellow room with the purple bed.  Her very own room!  With butterflies, dragonflies, flowers and the sun painted in bright colors and glitter dancing around the tops of her walls.  Her own curvy mirror to look in, comb her black hair that is just like her daddy’s and admire her beautiful clothes.  I can’t wait to hear squealing in our home again, high-pitched laughter and giggling.  We haven’t had princess tea parties in many years around here.  And dancing.  Yes, we will dance with Zaza.

We started a unit with the boys today on patience and plant growth.  As I read the definition “patience is waiting without complaining” I realized why God planned for us to start the unit today… Nov. 3rd.   I plan my homeschool year in early June, when I wasn’t aware of the Nov. 3rd cut off date.  And of course it would be patience out of all the character traits that it could be.  HE knew!  So we planted grass and flowers and herbs and vegetables today.  Of course I thought of doing all this with Zaza by my side making a mess next year.  I pray she loves gardening even half as much as I do.  We’ll have great fun together with the dirt, water, seeds and rocks.  I’ve been eyeing the little gardening gloves, rubber boots and color coordinated kid-sized garden tools at JoAnns.  I LOVE those!  A must have.

The courts in Bogota are closed from Dec. 15 to Jan. 15th, so there will be no action at all until after that. {sigh} The good news of Nov. 3rd being over is that the holidays are spent focussing on the family that is here, the few years we have left together, and making memories that will last. 

I read the book A Seed is a Promise today…. and it is, whether it is an actual plant seed, or the seed of a child born in your heart.  It is a promise.  A promise that will come true… if we have patience (and wait without complaining!)