Teenage Boys are Strange Creatures

Just when I think I have my teenage boys pegged for life… they turn over a new and refreshing leaf that does this mama’s heart good.  It’s happening in repeating stages right now.  I’m not sure why, but I’m not voicing any of these questions aloud, so as not to disturb the force.

It all started about a month ago.  Holding my coupon envelope while pushing my grocery cart through Safeway, my cell phone rang. It was my 15-year-old son.  He was calling to inquire about the correct procedure for washing his comforter.  Glory be!  I explained that it is exactly like a load of clothes.  BAM!  I could hardly breathe for the clean-laundry-loving juice pumping through my veins.

I arrived home that day to find three large garbage bags stuffed full of clothing in the loft.  Inquiring minds want to know, so I asked a few children if they knew what the bags were for.  Seems it was my same comforter-washing son.  He had gone through his closet AND dresser and removed all the clothing that was too small, stained, holey and nerdy.  Never in his 15 years has he performed this action.

Then I glanced in his room.  Miracle of miracles.  I could see the carpet under his bed!  It is usually hidden by piles of smelly shoes, biking gear, magazines, dirty and/or clean clothing.  It was spotless.  I was speechless! Unbelievable.  I thought it would take a college roommate or his wife to convince him of his slobbish ways.  I’m not sure what happened to bring about this change, and I’m not disturbing the force and asking any time soon.  The amazing thing is that it is still that clean… a month later.  It was like BAM! he grew up.

I was basking in the realization that 50% of my sons were now considered not slobs.  Wow!  I realize 50% is not a passing grade, but I was at 0% just a month ago.

THEN it happened.  I was in Walmart picking out avocados that were ripe to perfection when my cell phone rang.  It was my 13-year-old son inquiring how to launder his comforter.  I about dropped to the tile floor in Wally World in shock and disbelief.  I explained that it is exactly like a load of clothes.  BAM! I could hardly breathe for the clean-laundry-loving juice pumping through my veins.

But, unfortunately, that is as far as son #2 got in the goal of living a tidy, laundered, clean lifestyle.  But he’s two years ahead of his brother in the comforter category. Yet, I have hope.

 

Life is Never Dull!

If you haven’t heard, Larisa, my 16-year-old daughter and I decided to “go” organic.  It’s been two weeks now and I must say, either I’m forgetting what chemically engineered food tastes like, OR organic food really does taste better!  We’ve had pizza, quesadillas, Southwestern Black Bean Soup, Beef & brocoli with Coconut Basmati rice, Newman-Os (Oreos), plus mint chocolate bars.  We have not been suffering.  We keep looking at each other and saying, “This is the best ___________ I’ve ever had!”  And we’re still amazed every time it happens.  It happened tonight with white cheddar and green onion quesadillas.  Totally delicious.

After an exhausting day, Rick and I were home alone at dinner and I decided to go easy and make homemade apple/cinnamon/flax seed oatmeal with blue agave syrup.  Again, fabulous.  However, while I was cooking, Rick asked for my driver’s license number whilst I was stirring the pot on the stove.  No, I do not have it memorized.  Being a homeschool mom, I do know my library card number by heart 1110003116554… but not my driver’s license number.  So, being the kind wife that I am, I retrieved my wallet from the front room and delivered it to him in the back room… while the oatmeal simmered.  “Please put it back in my purse when you are done,” was my single request.

Not long after the totally delicious oatmeal was consumed, some of our children returned home.  Larisa asked if we could go to the grocery store because we were out of quite a few organic mainstays… like bread and cheese and butter.  So we made a list, checked it twice and were out the door.  Can you already see it coming????

We shopped for about 40 minutes, taking our time reading labels and comparing prices.  Finally we arrived at the check out stand and as the kind checker was flinging our food hither and yon, I realized (out loud, of course) that I didn’t have my wallet.  Then I realized (out loud, again) that I didn’t even have my cell phone.  So the kind flinger handed me his personal cell phone and I called my dear husband at home.  “Remember when I asked you to put my wallet back in my purse?”  Yes, he did indeed remember.

They have these two black leather livingroom sitting chairs across from the check-out lanes at Safeway with a cozy table between them and a vase full of live roses on it… for sale, of course.  I’ve always thought it was odd that the chairs were there.  Well, I didn’t think it odd tonight as we sat in them for a half hour.  Even though I did not have pertinent purse particulars (wallet and phone) I DID have my electronic Sudoku game!  Yes! 

I did figure out that this was the third time in my life that this has happened.  Once in Blumenort, Alberta… the owner let me take home $126 of groceries and return the next day with the money!!!!  Once in Safeway in Phoenix… they rolled my whole cart into their freezer and I returned later that day with the money.  And tonight, while I sat in the leather chair playing Sudoku until Rick showed up.  Three times isn’t that bad…. in 23 years of marriage… and he’s only had to save me once!

My knight in shining armor did arrive and save the day and we all lived happily ever after.

This episode brought on a meaningful mother/daughter (generation gap) conversation that I will save for another blog.  Too much excitement for one night could be hazardous to your health. (I was tired BEFORE we went to the store!!!)

Coupon Sense Testimony Time

Ok, just had to share.  You know how it is when you save hundreds of dollars for your husband.  I dropped Austin off at hockey practice and lo and behold, there is a Fry’s and Safeway conveniently located by the arena.  Sweet Jesus!  I am currently grounded from spending money… but that’s for another blog on a depressing day… not today.  So, I went to both stores for just the freebies and got:

5 boxes of Kellogg’s corn flakes

2 avocados

6 Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (4 in a pkg)  No, I don’t plan to eat all those tonight or even this week.  That is a three month supply!  Hidden of course.

(They were out of the free zip lock baggies and the free salad dressing!  BAH!)

And spent….. $.19.   Yes, that’s cents, not dollars.  NINETEEN cents.  That doesn’t even count as spending money.

Then I went to Barnes & Noble to casually browse adoption books, which is what us adoptive parents do in our WAITING time.  I found three and then a comfy chair.  Half way through the second book I figured out that I was pretty tired when I did a church nod!  (That’s when your head falls to the side in an uncontrolled, but quickly rectified fashion.)  So I put the books back and wandered TJ Maxx.  Remembering fervently that I’m grounded from spending money.

One of the adoption books, or should I say anti-adoption books, was just more than I could take.  It was so generalized on the negative side I felt like ripping out pages and wadding them up.  But then I’d have to explain the the B&N people that I can’t pay for it because I’m grounded from spending money.  So I just put it back on the shelf and truly questioned the benefits of books full of negative smack.  Who reads those?  Oh, negative people.  Right.

Anyway, Rick is away tonight on a trip, so I will have a full night of blissful rest without having to tell him to turn over and stop snoring.  Yes, I’d rather have him here.  Yes, my tired body is happy he’s gone for just one night.  I can’t imagine being a real pilot’s wife when they are gone so much.  Thankfulness has again filled my heart, even though I’m grounded from spending money.  Sweet Dreams!

McDonald’s is a Dangerous Place

Minding my own business…. (isn’t this how most horror stories start???) … Keeve and I were at Micky D’s this morning shoveling hotcakes and sausage and breaky burritos.  We had two hours to KILL (maybe not the best choice of words here) while Larisa was at a drama meeting.  So I brought my Coupon $ense box and was the psycho with the scissors in the corner of the dino-playland.  Keeve was running in and out of playland with 5 or 6 little kids who only spoke Spanish.  Isn’t childhood great?  You don’t even have to speak the same language to play together. :o)  While darting in and out of the yellow tubes, my son got a straw jabbed in the back of his mouth.  The pain made his eyes water and the taste of blood lead him to the napkin dispenser. 

So as I’m locating W232 a $1.50 coupon off Doritos Salsa (which is on sale at Safeway for $1.69!!!) Keeve shows up beside me with a rolled up bloody napkin in his mouth.  This first thing I thought was he pulled a tooth out.  Nope.  With napkin wad filling his mouth he pantomimes the straw going in and the tears started.  I did look in his mouth, but I looked at his cheek and saw a little dot…  a microscopic dot.  He continued to change the medical gauze for ten minutes until it stopped bleeding.  I thought he was fine.

We ventured off to Safeway and saved $119 while only spending $53. Thankyouverymuch. Then to pick up Larisa and on to home.  We unloaded groceries and Keeve poured himself a bowl of Trix, because Trix are for kids. The first bite brought on more tears and I wondered if he needed a nap.  Mothers are tele-pathetic sometimes, able to determine the needs of their children with precision.  He said it REALLY hurt.  So I looked again to see if the teeny dot had grown.  Then I saw IT!

OK, I probably should not have yelled, “OH MY WORD!” But I did.  (spoiler warning for those with squeamy stomachs)  There is a 3/8 inch hole in the back of his mouth.  I remembered the over-sized straws at McD’s.  No wonder he cried.  I called the 24-hour nurse… who called back in 78 minutes.  Let’s just refer to her as Speedy.  Speedy said there is nothing that can be done if there is no bleeding.  It will heal on its own.  I told her that it hurts when he eats.  Speedy said to give Keeve pain reliever, jello, milkshakes, pudding and ice cream.  You know, the little poke might be worth THAT diet plan!?!?  Just a thought.

Keeve is on the couch full of banana pudding and blue jello… watching his third movie. He says his throat is “a little better.”  Maybe a milkshake and a few more movies will help.

Blundering Butterfingers

Yesterday I did a Coupon $ense Safeway run.  The targets: Charmin TP, Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal, Nature Harvest bars and eggs.  Of course I also picked up a few dozen other on sale items, but always the pull is the outstanding prices on the C$ Hot Deals.  I mean, please.  The Cinnamon Toast Crunch is normally priced at $2.89 a box.  Safeway had a special for 4/$10.  Then I had a Safeway flyer coupon making them 4/$6.  On top of that I had 75 cent coupons for each of the four boxes…. that are “doubled” to $1.00.  And the grand total for each box was a mere FIFTY CENTS. (An 83% savings) Why don’t they just hand them out on the street corner???

Onward to the broken egg picture.  The 18 count eggs were on sale B1/G1  (buy one, get one free), so 36 eggs were placed delicately in the cart.  At the check out stand, the eggs didn’t fare so well.  They were the last items I was pulling out of the cart and somehow the edge of the top carton caught the side of the grocery cart and out they plopped.  Trying to correct the situation, I gripped the carton firmly enough to hang onto it, but too firmly for the eggs in my G.I. Joe kung-foo grip. 

I have never broken a single egg in a grocery store in forty-two years.  That should count for something.  But no.  I looked up from the slimy mess that was dripping through the cart onto my Charmin TP, and said to the checker and the bag-girl, “Clean up on aisle 3…. I just broke a bunch of eggs.”  The bag-girl immediately grabbed a roll of paper towels and was heading around through an empty check-out lane, but then she disappeared???  What in the world??  Not a good time for a potty break.  She returned a few moments later and said, “I just went to aisle 3 and there weren’t any broken eggs.”  Oh.  See the drippy mess by my shoes???  I kindly replied, “It was a poorly timed joke,” and half smiled at the poor girl as we started wiping together.

The egg shells were still in the bottom of the cart so I picked up each goopy mess and dropped them back into the carton.  But, when I finished there was a vacant spot in the carton.  One egg was MIA.  How could that be?  They wouldn’t fit through the cart slots??  I looked all over and finally lifted up the carton to reveal the culprit, hiding from me!  Eleven or twelve of the 18 were smashed and oozing.  BUT, the whole mess was cleaned up in time for me to pay and run from the store red-faced.  “Did you need help out, Mrs. Crosby?”  Not today!

When I retold the entertaining story to my family, my daughter asked, “Did you have to pay for them?”  “No, broken eggs are absorbed into the dumb shopper fund.”  :o)  Thank God, Safeway has a dumb shopper fund.