Posts Tagged ‘Sasquatch’

Big Foot FOUND!

November 30, 2008

Yes, all that nonsense a few months back about the dead Big Foot in the deep freeze was nothing compared to what we witnessed today at the hockey rink.  Big Foot hales from Tucson!  He’s only twelve years old and not all of his full-body hair has grown in yet.  He is quite talented on the ice… not like some awkward kids beasts who grew too fast and have yet to develop coordination.  I even have untouched photographic proof for you to witness right here at MSJ. 


I appologize about the photo quality of the action shot.  Seems I don’t have a Sports Illustrated quality camera. I did get a few clear semi-still shots.


Here is Big Foot pictured with my son who is 4’11” tall.  See???  When the kids from our team would try to check him, they just bounced off and down on the ice they went.  Austin tried to check him and take him down, but he said it was impossible.  I suggested some Three Stooges moves where one player goes down on his hands and knees behind Big Foot and another player pushed from the front.. but no one listens to a mom behind the glass.


Unfortunately for us, Big Foot’s team took the first place ribbons at the tournament.  We took second.  But we did give them a good ride. Now don’t go thinking I’m prejudiced about larger-than-life people.  I would love it if Big Foot was on our team!  And if he was my kid, I’d cheer just as loudly when he pushes the little kids down and lays on them…. paralyzing them on the ice.  He has a hard slapshot that rang the beegeebeez out of the boards and with some accuracy practice would inflict even more pain on opposing teams. 

Austin did us proud and emerged unscathed, except for a few bruises and sore spots from encounters with Big Foot.

If you want to call the National Enquirer, I’m available for blog interviews about my Big Foot sighting starting tomorrow.

Waddya Know! NO Info on BigFoot!

August 16, 2008

Along with half the nation, I was holding my breath at 12:30 today awaiting the “revealing” of a dead BIGFOOT that was found in Georgia a few weeks back.  But alas, the press conference only resulted in national news coverage of the biggest and most famous Bigfoot hunter showing nothing (except promotion for his website) and postponing the real evidence.  Come on!  If you got the goods, let’s have ’em.

As a homeschool mom, I need to be up on the news especially about new species or endangered animals or missing links or delusional grown-ups running through the forest in gorilla suits.  So I did some research this week, as all good homeschool moms do.  I had only heard of BF in the Northwest, so I wondered how he made it across the Midwest to Georgia without being seen…. there’s no trees there in the middle of the nation to hide behind???  Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?  Did he only travel at night?  We’ll never know.  But pictures don’t lie… do they?

Here is the actual untouched photograph of the remains of BF. Impressive!  Yes, it’s a deep freeze.  Yes, that’s a garden hose.  All highly scientific apparatus to handle the most rare of rare evidence in the science field.  And are those my grandma’s false teeth in that monkey suit?  I can’t quite make out the black item on the top right of the photo, but I believe it’s a Samsonite suitcase that was used with a gorilla suit in a commercial a few years back???  And the fake entrails.  My goodness.  That’s a squid from China Town.  I’ve been around the block a few times.  I know squid when I see squid. That’s a squid.

And the casts of the gigantic footprints.  Holy Toledo!  Shaq is down here in Phoenix now, so we could make some of those casts here too.  Big feet are just that… BIG.

Why didn’t I think of putting an ape suit in the deep freeze so I could be on national news???  Some guys have all the luck, especially the off-duty officer who found the body.  First he gets shot in the hand chasing a fugitive of the law…. then he is on medical leave with WAAAAAAAAAY too much time on his hands.  So he calls his buddy who works as a correctional officer with people who display gorilla type behavior and says, “Hey, whattaya doin’ this weekend? Wanna get a monkey suit and be on the news with me?”  It was pure genius.

My kids asked if BF is real.  Of course it is…. look at these pictures.  That’s a real BIG foot isn’t it?  It reminds me of when we watched Water Horse: Legend of the Deep and I kept telling the kids repeatedly that the movie was based on a true legend.  :o)  Stay tuned.  The “scientific” autopsy is on Monday… just as soon as they suck on the hose to get all the water syphoned out of the freezer and find the rubber gloves, safety goggles and tweezers.