Before this past Saturday, the previous car accident I participated in was in 1999 in Anaheim, California. Thankfully I have been fender bender free for 14 joyous years. (However, in my current state of narcotic use, I could easily and most probably be missing large periods of my life in my memory banks.) When one meanders through life without hitting other vehicles, you tend to forget many important facts regarding collisions. This morning, at 4:06 a.m., I am here to inform all those who need informing on said subject.
1. Accidents happen when you least expect it and when it is not convenient in your life. In my case, I was casually heading to Bed Bath and Beyond to purchase a much needed shower curtain liner for the main bath due to visitors who were scheduled to arrive at my home in exactly four hours. My daughter and two friends were descending upon our house for Spring Break from college in Tulsa, Oklahoma, a mere 14 hour drive to Phoenix, Arizona. Two days after their arrival, three Canadian relatives were also visiting for a week. Hence, the new shower curtain liner was MANDATORY.
2. Teenage drivers are a danger on the road. Out of a neighborhood shopping center driveway (right next to Charming Charlie’s purse/accessory mother ship store) a small white vehicle came flying directly into my lane from the right without any warning time, hindering me from doing all those things you know you should do when you figure out you’re are going to hit another car, i.e. brake, scream “Sweet mother of God!”, brace yourself so as to increase muscle injuries, curse the driver’s day of birth, yell at your kids “Hang on, Mommy’s going to hit someone!” or any other such nonsense. I glanced at the car and slammed into it. That is all. I never saw the driver’s face as she was looking to her right the entire time she was entering the four lane road, planning on crossing two lanes of traffic. The kind police man asked me how long I had between my visual awareness of the other car and impact. “One second.” I have since wondered about her actions. Did she just find the queen mother purse to match her favorite hot pink and cheetah print shoes, and couldn’t wait to get home and unite the two, creating the perfect ensemble? Did she just eat at the Mellow Mushroom and was in a pasta induced coma with garlic permeating from her pores? We will never know, dear reader.
3. When the kind police man finished my inquisition and then glanced in the back seat of the van to witness a tear-stained little Latina child, he should have used his kind policeman voice and asked a politically correct question like, “Who is this little sweetheart?” or “I see we have a princess in the back seat.” or “Honey, are you ok?” But NO. He got the wrath of the blubbering adoptive mother when he blurted out, “Who is THAT?” like I picked up an illegal alien down by the border and was transporting her color-coordinated, well manicured dimpled self like a criminal. I will admit I answered a bit tersely, “SHE’S MY DAUGHTER!!!!” My tone set him in his place and his kind police man voice surfaced as he praised her for being in her booster seat and wearing her seatbelt. I am a protective mama first, and an injured car passenger second. Don’t ever forget that!
4. Auto injuries are curious beasts. Due to the impact of the airbag underneath the steering column of our van, my shins took a real beating. I did not know there was an airbag under there, nor was I aware that it was hinged from the bottom and the molded plastic cover was capable of shaving your legs so thoroughly upon explosion, you might never need to shave them ever again due to the absence of several layers of skin and hair follicles. Thank God I was wearing jeans. As was predicted by my ER doctor friend, other injuries will surface when the most intense injuries subside. After four days of lying on the couch with my legs elevated and iced every hour around the clock, I was able to stand without tears accumulating in my eyes. Then I realized my right shoulder was not working as well as it had been performing before the white car jumped in my path. Yesterday x-rays were had and after two days of icing my shoulder every hour around the clock, we will hopefully have some answers tomorrow as to my gimpy limb. When that is concluded, I do not know what will make me cry next…. the seatbelt bruise line across my entire torso? Or some other area still in shock waiting to surface. I will surely keep you posted, even though I am aware of “women’s tea rules of courtesy” of not speaking of sickness or operations. This ain’t a tea…. it is my blog, and where else can I complain with my sense of humor intact for the enjoyment of others?
5. God takes care of His children. When God found our new-to-us van on November 30, 2012, He was testing my thankfulness at receiving such a good and perfect gift from Him, despite it being red. Red is my least favorite color. But I WAS thankful for the van… the low miles, the reasonable price, the stow-n-go compartments to haul more junk, the awesome air-conditioning, the radio controls on the back of the steering wheel, etc. And I was content knowing that I couldn’t see that it was red while I was riding in the van. I imagined that it was a purty royal blue color. So I am pretty sure I passed the red van test and now get another new-to-us van that is not red. I will keep you posted.
Currently my pain meds have once again done their duty and I am ready to drift back to a psycho-dream filled sleep. Good night for now.
My Sister's Jar 
