Dr. Doolittle, I Think Not

Never have I been accused of being an animal lover.  We had a few pets during my childhood in suburbia Northern California, but never a dog and only once for a short time, a cat.  The kitty caused my brother’s eyes to swell shut, so she didn’t stay long at all.  But I did have the joy of picking out Meow Mix back in the day when the Meow Mix song was popular, hence making me popular. I was nine, it didn’t take much.

Fast forward to  my ten-year-old daughter praying every night that God would change her mother’s heart (ME!) so that she could get a dog.  I about coughed up a lung the first time I witnessed her heartfelt petition to the God of the universe.  Anyway, the two-year vigil ended with God changing my heart… and for the past 9.5 years we have had Trixie, the Rat Terrier burrowing into our hearts and lives.

Foolishly I read Dr. Doolittle to my children years ago.  Unmistakably, that was a cockamamie move on my part. Yes, we did do a stint with younger boys who NEEDED tadpoles, then frogs of course, lizards, mice, a hamster named Teddy, chickens, fish, turtles, and a hermit crab named Elvis.  Truly I felt that I did my time.  Of course there were requests for a horse.  Thankfully we live in an HOA that doesn’t allow for horses.

Then Christmas 2011 did me in.  It was December 23rd at 10:15 p.m. and my husband and I were sitting on the blue couch when my cell phone notified me of the arrival of a message.  Who would be texting me that late?  Of course it was a friend who had a friend who had a baby wiener dog FREE for Christmas.  Good grief.  We were sitting ducks.  The next day I called another friend who got a baby wiener dog for Christmas the previous year and DIDN’T keep it!  I gave her all my reasons for not taking the free dog, and she solved each dilemma as it arose…. we would need a crate.  She had one.  We would need a doggy door.  She had one.  And her reason for returning the puppy was because she was never home to train it….. she pointed out that we are ALWAYS home.  We homeschool.  We don’t leave the premises unless it is for church or a library trip.  So we got sucked into Ringo the wiener dog who has been snuggling with us for over a year now.

I still cannot believe I have two dogs.  Linda Ann Crosby… NOT a dog person, has two dogs, and probably will have two dogs for another five to seven years.  Unbelievable!  I can hardly believe I am writing a blog about dogs.  I am not a dog person.  Didn’t I already say that?

So the moral of the story is DON’T READ DR. DOOLITTLE to your kids if you truly want to do little.  BAM!

Me and Bob Barker are like this X!

That was my fingers crossed, in case you were wondering about the X.  You remember from The Price is Right…. at the end of every show when Bob looks into the camera and says….

Well, we took Bob’s advice… against Ringo’s wishes.  There will be no baby wiener dogs sired from this house anymore.  I made the appointment for a Saturday morning… when I was out of town.  (See?  I’m the nice mom AND the smart mom!)  I left detailed instructions and came home to Mr. Weeney wearing the cone of shame.  He was a little whiny, but not bad.  Pain medicine in peanut butter was a slam dunk of a hit!  Come to find out, he also had baby teeth that were four months late in falling out so those were pulled too.  Rough day in doggy land.  Both ends.

Ringo is very loving… but not so bright.  Today was day #6 with the cone of shame and he is still running to the doggy door only to be stopped dead in his tracks by the cone that doesn’t fit through the door.  And to make matters worse, yesterday was his first birthday.  Nora asked if she could make him a puppy cake.  So sweet, but no.  She did pick out a chewy, noise-making stuffed raccoon for Ringo.  But it terrified the dog!  Made us all laugh.  Our other dog, Trixie, loved the raccoon and claimed the birthday gift as her own.

(Side note:  never in my first 35 years did I ever imagine that I would be a dog owner…. or blog the words “our OTHER dog”.  Inconceivable!)

And so, Ringo continues to slam the backs of our legs for four more days of doggy cone duty.  Never a dull moment in this house.

At least he can hold his chewy rawhide bone.

Hello Blog World!

Yes, I haven’t been around MSJ for a bit.  Here are the recent headlines of the summer life of the Crosby clan.

46 Year Old Housewife Drops 80 Pounds:  Wise choices for health over the last year have produced remarkable results for this average housewife, who is now above average in weight loss success. (Yes, that’s me, but didn’t that sound headliney?)

Water Shortage in Desert Leaves Dying Remains:  This simply means that Rick isn’t watering the backyard grass this summer and it’s all dead.  Why is that headline news, you ask?  Because the wiener dog likes to roll in the dead grass and then come in and roll on the used-to-be-clean carpet.  This is a new cleaning issue this summer that we have never faced before.  It is a constant source of time and energy expended on STUPID stuff. 2012 will go down in the Crosby History Book as the summer of the dead grass. (Hopefully not of the dead dog!)

Summer Movie Fun is Proving Successful:  Yes, I bought the summer fun pack of $7 movie tickets again.  So far, I haven’t seen any of the theatrical selections!  So it’s ALL fun for me!  This week is Mr. Popper’s Penguins.  If you have been an MSJ reader for several years, you will recall how we tortured our children with a sound recording of Mr Popper…. so I’m looking forward to finding out all the information we missed from the skipping CD… IF they followed the book.

Full Time Work is Stressful:   Hahahahaha!  This one makes me laugh.  Our 18-year-old, soon to be college-bound daughter, is working “full time”….. HARDLY!  I think in her first two weeks of “full time” she put in one, maybe two 8 hour days.  This is exhausting!  Never has she been asked to do unpleasant tasks for EIGHT straight hours!  Well, except for school and chores!  She has never taken so many naps.  She came home after a grueling six hours of scanning and filing files to exclaim, “I cannot imagine working eight hours a day, doing something you don’t like FOR FORTY YEARS!?!”  hahahah… real life, baby.  This is it!  See why we have tried to steer you to a career that suits your interests and talents????

Unpaid Worker Scores Big:  This is the story of my life.  I finally found a part-time opportunity that allows me to help others and make cash at the same time.  It is the exact antithesis of my daughter’s job.  In ten hours per week, I’m helping people lose weight and get healthy, get off their meds and live longer!  And they pay me!  It reminds me of when my husband started his initial job as a pilot and he couldn’t believe he got paid to fly a plane!  I handed my first check to my husband, who has been the primary bread earner in this household for 16 years, and he spat out in astonishment, “This is the most money you’ve made in …..   Y E A R S !”   haha!  God provides!

Lagging Teacher Delivers for Hopeful Students:  This simply means that I finally got my American History grades done and sent to my high school students whom I haven’t seen in 6 weeks!  Better late than never.  My child was the only who needed the grade for a transcript, so it’s all good.

Enjoy the Fourth of July, America’s birthday!  God bless America!  Land of the brave and FREE!  yah, baby.

Preparing for U.S. History

This is one of my favorite activities, even though it consumes my Mondays and Tuesdays every week.  That is also why there are usually no posts on here Mondays and Tuesdays… but a few occurences are worth mentioning today… as I step away from the Civil War for ten minutes.

1.  My 15-year-old son has been growing out his hair for a long time.  Yesterday he asked me a question I NEVER thought I’d hear… “Mom, do you know how to cut my hair in a mullet?”  What in the world?  It’s been 25 years since I’ve done a mullet, but I believe I remember how.  And then it happened… I was transported back to college in 1985… mullets everywhere.  The mullet went down a little rustier than planned (in fact I need to do some repair work tonight) but it made us all laugh until we cried.

 

2.  My 15-year-old son got some running TOE shoes.  What in the world?  They are red with black rubber on the bottom…. with a little strap just like Mary Jane’s to hold them on his hairy feet.  He’s been wearing them around the house all day “breaking them in”… for what, I’m not sure.  Maybe running.  But he’s a cyclist.

3.  Ringo the wiener dog is brain-dead when it comes to house/potty training.  Seriously… brain DEAD.  This will take a LOT of diligent work.  He also tried to chew the back of the Ethan Allen rocking chair.  Not good.  We initiated the use of the spray bottle today.  All I have to add is he’s lucky he’s so cute.

4.  Buying SparkNotes from Barnes & Noble online is cheaper and quicker than running down to the store to buy them.  Don’t tell my American History students, please.  A few clicks…. 44 printed pages… and BAM… I’m smarter than a 5th grader.

That is all for now.  Peace out!

It’s a Wienerful Day!

Mr. Wienie arrived yesterday and two girls are VERY excited about having a new puppy.  They named him Ringo Max Crosby, after two great male musicians and a make-up brand.  Perfect.  To make it even more perfect Gymboree had a wiener dog line of clothing out!  :o) 

So far this is a timid little doggy that is submitting to our first dog, Trixie, quite nicely.  He doesn’t know how to bark yet, but oh can he whine when we put him in the crate.  Crate training is not for the faint of heart.  Nor for those who don’t like to wear earplugs. 

He is just darling when he runs and jumps.  We only had a little black collar with rhinestones on it… so a more masculine collar along with an engraved tag are the order of the day tomorrow. 

Ringo has already had eleven visitors and everyone made sure they pet Trixie!  Such thoughtful friends!

Larisa has wanted a dachshund puppy for YEARS.  I’m not even sure how many years.  Lots.  Needless to say, she is one happy camper.

The Pumpkin Pit

The bright orange pumpkins at Walmart have been calling my name for over three weeks.  Today, as I entered said establishment (for the fourth time in 24 hours) I was escorting my two daughters…. who both eyed the orange globes and then eyed their mother with pleading puppy-dog faces.  Larisa found a picture of a carved pumpkin with a picture of a wiener dog that said “Happy Halloweenie!” So with that geniously creative idea, I said OK!  It actually wasn’t that hard of a decision… $3.78.  How can you beat that?  It probably costs more than that to water the vine for the four months growing season!

There were two large bins with a sign that declared them ALL as medium in size.  We pulled a few off the top of the pile and glared hopefully into the pumpkin pit.  Indeed, they were not all created equal.  The queen mother was at the bottom… and I spotted her!  We began to pull the pumpkins off the top of the bin and fill bin #2.  Then when bin #2 was precariously full-almost-to-toppling, we piled the rest on the ground.  The path was clear to the queen mum.  Larisa and I both stepped up on the palate, tiptoed up until the top of the bin was at our waists, and dove in.  Seriously, with our feet off the ground.  It took us two tries, but we succeeded!

We must have looked like we recently came in from the pumpkin patch.  I was wearing what used to be a clean black t-shirt…. now totally covered in dirt and muck from all the pumpkins we moved… and probably from the bin too.  We found the queen mother’s twin sister in the bottom as well.  Another successful day of shopping at Walmart.

The moral of the story is: A pumpkin in hand is worth two in the bin.  :o)